My dear Aquila, I want you to understand that nurturing a newborn baby is enough work for a woman. Even that alone can be so overwhelming especially in the first few months of the arrival of the baby.
That your wife had to combine this with cooking, cleaning the house, washing clothes – including your clothes- was just too much. I’m not surprised that her health broke down repeatedly. Let’s thank God that we didn’t lose her in the process.
I do not agree with your thought that she’s being lazy. To be frank, that work schedule is too much. It’s just the two of you in the house and for most of the time, she’s the only one in the house with the baby becuase you would have left for work early in the morning.
I even wonder how she was able to combine all these at the same time. Who carries the baby for her when she goes cooking and washing? And you know newborns would hardly allow you to drop them, except they’re sleeping.
To combine sleepless nights (due to the nocturnal nature of newborns) with full time cooking, cleaning and washing is seriously too much. Even the strongest person will break down under such arrangement.
In Nigeria, it’s the practice in most culture for grandmums to move in to help the moment a baby is born. Where they could stay for three months or more, it could be a great help but in reality many of them cannot afford to stay for that long. Some of them are still in active government service or the private sector or their private businesses. And many also have husbands they left behind that can’t afford to be left alone for too long.
In your case unfortunately, your mum could not stay for so long before she left – leaving the house to the two of you alone and the baby at a very early stage.
As things stand, there are a few options at your disposal.
Option 1: Get a live-in relative that could provide some support. Maybe a relative who’s still in secondary school but the parents are disadvantaged – you can put such a one in school while he or she lives with you – a win-win arrangement; or someone still trying to process admission into the university that you can also provide a similar support for.
Option 2. Hire a House help or Nanny (there are safeguards to follow to get a safe one) whose job will be to care for the child so your wife can be more available to fix other things.
Until you’re able to put these measures in place, my brother you’ll have to get involved fully – maybe take over the cooking and washing completely for now. Then be ready to take rounds with her with the baby in the middle of the night. Yes, take the baby from her for some singing and dancing while she catches some sleep until the baby sleeps again and you can also return to sleep. You can’t leave it to her alone. Remember you did that thing that resulted into the pregnancy together.
It’s a lot of work considering you have to report to work in the morning. Nevertheless since there’s no one else living with you that can help, you still have to do it together so the health of your wife doesn’t break down to the point she becomes an invalid. That’ll be a bigger problem for you to handle. Or if she dies – with this her BP that’s going off the roof incessantly- you’ll have a far bigger problem on your hand.
When God helps you to fix a washing machine, that will bring a lot of relief. And maybe soon too, as your finances improve, you can completely outsource your drycleaning.
I can see that there’s been a lot of quarreling in your home on account of this issue. Your wife feels uncared for. She is overwhelmed by all she has to do all alone and so she’s reacting. She’s depressed and sad. Her health is failing too.
You need to urgently bring in some of these measures I’ve suggested to arrest your home from drifting apart and restore peace, joy and oh yes your intimacy – sex must have also been suffering on account of this.
I pray God gives you all the wisdom, strength and resources you need at such a critical time as this.
Your bother,
PEA.
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