My dear Aquila, never be afraid to tell a woman how you feel about her. You either get a Yes or No. She can’t kill you. And if you do get a No, be sure it’s never final until it’s final. At least she already knows you’re interested when you express it to her and she can keep you in her options. Continue to press. That No can still turn to a Yes when she sees your persistence, consistency and persuasion for her.
I can’t count the number of married men I know today whose wives gave a No at the first trial. I myself got two Nos before I got a final Yes from Iyebiye. I see you were inspired by the story I shared yesterday. Here’s the full gist.
Sometimes the No has nothing to do with your qualities; it’s just that she’s not ready for a relationship. She may really like you but you came at the wrong time. If you’ll hang on, her readiness will still meet your pending proposal somewhere down the line.
Sometimes the No is because she hasn’t yet seen clearly the husband material that you are at the time you proposed. With some more time of you sticking around, she later gets to see the gold she’s about to miss out on and then viola, the Yes comes.
Sometimes, the No is because she’s hoping to be wooed by some other guys that she loves but who are not giving her attention. By the time all of them break her heart, her eyes will suddenly be clar. Be sure you’re still around to collect what belongs to you. I know some guys have an issue with this. They feel why should they be a second option. But what’s your concern about that if you end up marrying someone you love and want. Whether she first missed her way before finding the way is irrelevant. You collect the gem of a woman that you love and enjoy her for life. For me that’s what matters most.
You waited two years to express your feelings to her! Two years? Brother, why are you falling my hand? That was way too long. While I never counsel haste – for he who believes does not make haste – yet, two years is too long. Let’s even say you’re taking your time to know her more and pray more to get divine clearance, some six months maximum should be enough. God is not deaf and dumb.
In my case, after that experience of my first encounter with Iyebiye, I went back praying. In two weeks, I already knew what God was saying to me. I’m not a babe in Christ. I know the way God speaks. Four to six weeks after (when I had interacted with her more closely), I was back in her school to propose.
Whatever has made this lady to accept you to be a close friend for two years can make you court. Every marriage is sustained by friendship and a sense of responsibility anyway. So you’re in the right direction if you’re already close friends.
Let’s thank God another person has not gotten there before you. Or maybe someone else has. But at least she didn’t give you a No when you finally told her what you feel for her. She said you’ll talk about it some other time. There’s still hope bro. Hang on. That trophy may be destined to be yours. Don’t take that answer for a No. After a little while, bring up the matter again. Never be afraid to talk about it. She too has the need for a man in her life after all. And she also doesn’t have all the time in this world to wait.
If she even gives you a No later, you must ask her why so you can see whether it’s a No that can still change or if it’s irreversible. I asked Why No when I got my first No from Iyebiye. Her answer showed it wasn’t about me but some other circumstances which I then helped her to figure out; leading to my ultimate Yes. Afterall, if I get a visa refusal, if I request, the embassy would tell me exactly why my application was not convincing. With that knowledge, I can put up a better apllication subsequently. If the embassy of a whole nation will oblige me with such, why not a woman? Except it’s really a No No!
I don’t know how much time you have. That’s what will determine how long I’ll counsel you to wait. You’ve unfortunately wasted time already. But I’ll say, give it a considerable time. Say one year. If at the end of one year, if you really don’t have much time on your hands any longer, you may have to move on so you won’t lose out on other great options that may be lurking around.
But only move on when you’re satisfied that you’ve done your best and you’ve given it all the time you can truly afford.
I was once in your shoe. I waited for one solid year to get a definite response. I decided though that on the dot of one year, I will move on because one year is enough for anyone to respond definitely to a proposal. And I was already done with the one year national service. I didn’t think I have all the time in this world to be waiting for someone endlessly. You won’t believe that I met Iyebiye two weeks after one year when I finally told the other lady I was officially withdrawing my proposal. Imagine I was still hanging on beyond reasonable time? I would not have been open enough to meet a new person. I would have missed my own Iyebiye. Unthinkable. 😅😅
Summary – be patient but don’t die there!
Your brother,
PEA.
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