Dear Priscilla, I think you should speak for yourself that you love him. Leave that “we both love ourselves” out of it.
You both love yourselves but you couldn’t date due to distance? So he opted for another relationship while you were away?
What distance are you talking about in this age of telecommunication? Voice calls, video calls, WhatsApp – too many platforms of seamless communication that’ll keep you close every step of the way.
Distance is not a barrier for true love. Let that sink into your head. In the days of our parents and grandparents when there were no mobile phones, they ran long distance relationships depending on letters and yet those people stayed faithful to each other. They may not hear from each other in three months, yet they didn’t break faith. They clung to words of promise and turned down other suitors who lived in their environment for a lover that was sometimes overseas. That’s what true love looks like.
The one you’re currently describing is deceit not love. Maybe lust.
This guy that you claim loves you had been in another relationship for the past five years that you traveled, and is now telling you on your arrival that he’ll break up with the other lady and marry you now that you’ve returned. So absurd.
The simple truth that he’s not telling you is that his idea of relationship is physical connection. In other words, sex. He doesn’t believe that a relationship can have real connection and vibe without sex. Many of these guys who say they can’t do long distance relationships – that’s what they mean. How can you be in a relationship with someone and you’re not kissing and smooching and sexing? What kind of relationship is that?
Their idea of relationship is not deep spirited friendship founded on a genuine connection of mind, emotions and spirits. If this were his idea, your travelling would not have been an issue at all. Genuine connection of mind and emotions and spirit can be well achieved without any form of sexual relationship and distance notwithstanding. And it is this genuine connection that makes marriage to last after all the gis-gis of sex has cooled down.
He has been in an active sexual relationship with this other lady for five years and is planning to dump her for you – since you’re now back and can resume sexual duties, suddenly he thinks relationship with you has some value.
Don’t you even think that this guy is a wicked guy? He has led a woman on for five years; slept with her back to back and wants to just dump her for you? Let’s assume he’s actually saying the truth – even if he’s saying the truth, doesn’t that tell you how wicked this guy is? So you think you’re so special he can’t later treat you the same way? Yes he can. That’s who he is. He has no conscience at all. Five solid years of someone else’s life to be wasted. And it doesn’t move him.
Worse still, this may be a plot to drag you into a polyamorous relationship. You’re the second girlfriend. The other lady will be the first. The guy will be dating the two of you together. Or do you think it’s that simple for him to walk away from a five year love affairs? You think nothing kept them together for that long? You must be joking. Five years of soul ties is what you’re playing with.
What of if the guy sought to leave and the lady refuses to leave him. You don’t know the power of a woman. The guy will want to move on to you but he won’t be able. Of course by then he would have started sleeping with you too. You’ll also desire to have his full love and attention but he’ll be torn in between the two of you. You’ll regret that you gave this a thought in the end. You’ll get stuck somewhere in the middle. You will neither be able to move forward nor backward.
That other girl will fight you to any level. She’ll call you man-snatcher. And is she not right? They’ve been together for five years. Won’t you truly be a man snatcher?
I counsel you not to put your neck in crisis by your own self. Trust God for a fresh man who is disciplined and who will love you deeply and genuinely to the exclusion of all others. Let this one go and marry his five year old girlfriend and leave you out of the equation.
Your bother,
PEA.
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