My dear Priscilla, your husband’s risk of considering adultery an option is reduced drastically if he has a satisfying sexual experience with you. The word “push” in your question suggests it’s not something he ordinarily would have wanted to do. It’s something he would have been forced to consider though reluctantly, because of your actions.
You see, husbands get sexually stuck to wives who love sex as much as they do and are willing to be adventurous with it. So when you allow yourself to enter into the conditioning that a woman is not supposed to love sex or she’s not supposed to express her sexuality, you begin to gradually set yourself up to become a turn off for him.
In reality we all know that a woman is as much a sexual being as a man. She has sexual desires and feelings that she wants gratified. If not, we shouldn’t have the amount of premarital sex we have in our society. Those guys are not sleeping with guys. They are sleeping with ladies who often initiate those sexual encounters even.
To further underscore how sexual a woman is, she has capacity for multiple orgasms in a single encounter which men can’t even achieve. Her clitoris has been said to possess at least 8000 nerve endings – which are responsible for sexual response. The equivalent of that for a man – his glans – has only 4000. Despite these glaring facts, there’s a cultural conditioning that makes a lot of women think it’s a badge of honour to pretend not to have sexual needs and desires. They think it’s a badge of honour not to ever show it to their man that they desire him sexually.
In counselling rooms, I always marvel at how much married women feel vulnerable to let their men know they love and want sex. If you want your man to get stuck to you only, you need to shake off that conditioning. He wants you to express verbally how you love having sex with him and can’t wait for the next encounter. He wants you to initiate sex with him from time to time. He doesn’t like to think he’s the only one that’s enjoying it and must ask for it. He wants to feel that you also find him sexually attractive. The Genesis of adultery in many homes was that the man was tired of being the only one chasing without being chased. At a point, he stopped altogether to keep his pride and then after some time of starvation, he stepped out to satisfy himself.
Don’t be such a wife. When he has chased you a little bit, you too chase him a little bit. When you catch him, pin him down and make love to him passionately. In reality, even your Christian husband wishes that you’ll drop the toga of a conservative born again, tongue speaking, scarf tying “holy” sister at the door of your matrimonial bed. Inside there, he wants you to make love to him as passionately as a whore! Note that an average healthy young couple would have sex at least three times in a week. And so if four days has passed and he has not come, you go for him so that you won’t have to carry over the task for that week. 😅
Then, be open to trying out new things – a new sex style; a new location; a new approach; as long as it doesn’t compromise physical safety or health. Outside this, the word of God never circumscribed bodily freedom between a married couple. Nowhere in the Bible was that done. So please come out of religious dogma and explore intimacy to any level. Don’t be like those women who have like hundred commandments about what their husbands cannot touch in their body and what he can’t do with them. It’s great if you’re even the one bringing the suggestions as to the new things you can try out to spice your sex life. That tells him you’re thinking about it. Shows you’re equally interested in you both having a great sex life. That’ll make him more stuck to you.
As I have shared previously, being tired doesn’t stop you from having sex with your husband as long as on those occasions he’s willing to do the work. At the end of it, you too will have some enjoyment (even if not full) that’ll make you sleep more soundly plus you’re able to maintain peace and love in your marriage. But if there’s a particular time when you really cannot accommodate him, communicate your unavailability respectfully and add a promise. “Oh baby, I’m sorry I won’t be able to accommodate you tonight. Can I make it up to you very early tomorrow morning my King?” And when morning comes, don’t let him remind you. Be the one to initiate.
Not – “is that the only thing you think about? Is it food? Please don’t touch me.” That wounds a man’s ego so badly. And I have interviewed men who said, “it was at that point when they felt they were being humiliated too much for wanting intimacy with their wives that they decided they’ve had enough and they won’t trouble her with such request any longer.”
Suddenly, the woman now realizes for three months, the man has not asked for sex and now she’s angry and offended. The man is not asking for sex not because he’s not having sex. He has just found other outlets where he’ll be treated with respect for desiring intimacy. If paying is what guarantees this, he’s ready to pay to get respectful sexual expression.
Then, never use sex to settle scores with him. Don’t use it as a bargaining chip. Don’t use it to keep malice. You both have right of access to each other’s body. It’s part of the covenant. Don’t say, he must apologize first about a quarrel you had before he can access your body. What if he doesn’t yet agree he’s the one that was wrong. Do you want him to apologize just because he wants to have sex even if he doesn’t believe he was wrong? That would be manipulative and can make him ask you not to worry if that’s your terms. Sex itself is one of the tools God provided for reconciliation in marriage. When two people finish having sex with each other, their hearts soften towards each other. Have the sex first and then discuss your grievances immediately after while his head is still in your bossom and see how easily you’ll get his attention and perhaps a profuse apology.
If you follow all I’ve shared with you, the chances of having your man chasing strange flesh will be slim. Except he’s naturally polyamorous. Someone who never planned to be faithful in marriage. That’s a different topic entirely. Based on your question, the man I’m dealing with here is one who never planned for it but was pushed into it by his wife.
Let me now address the second issue
Men stay out of their homes when there’s no peace and respect there. Men can’t thrive in an atmosphere where there’s no peace and respect. Start giving your man both peace and respect and see if he’ll continue to stay out late.
Many men do everything to spend as little time as possible at home because they have a quarrelsome wife – who will nag them to death. They avoid home. Even Solomon stated how preferable it is to live in the corner of a roof than in a beautiful duplex with a contentious woman. Men don’t have the emotional capacity to manage such a woman. They’ll just run away or avoid contacts as much as possible.
Start treating him like a King and see what changes. Don’t argue with him in the presence of your kids or anyone else. His pride will be wounded very badly if you do. Don’t talk to him anyhow. He’s very sensitive to dishonor. You may disagree but do it respectfully. You can make a convincing point without condescending or raising your voice at him.
Support him financially and whenever he doesn’t have, cover him. Speak good words to him. Understand with him. Endure with him. Don’t take that occasion to accuse him of being less than a man. His ego is very fragile, be careful with your words. Be a woman that appreciates your husband for every little thing he does and you’ll see him developing a healthy self esteem to conquer the world. And when he does, it’s all yours because you made his life easy and peaceful on his way up.
Finally, make yourself his recreational companion. If you can sit down to watch his favourite Chelsea match with him and make meaningful contributions, there’s no need for him to go out to the club house. Sometimes, it’s because wives have not shown interest in the recreational commitments of their husbands that make them go out there to find other people who share the same passion. In the process, they meet this girl or that girl and something starts. Especially if it’s a girl who now shares their passion with them. Something their own wife has not taken any interest in.
Take interest in his interests and passions and be his best friend even in those things. Participate together with him. And please be playful together; laugh together, jibe and make playful fun of each other. Let your marriage be beautiful and fun and I can tell you this man will start staying back at home because there’s really nothing out there that God has not invested in you for him.
Your brother,
PEA.
#resettingtheodds
#makingyourmarriageacenterofrevival
#lovestraighttalks
#peacefulandgodlyhomes
#anarmyofsexualpuritypractitioners
#penielaakintujoye
+2348035601538
hello@lovestraighttalks.com
