The story was told of a Pastor who had been married for like six years at the material time. He called an elder an narrated what he was going through in his marriage. Somehow, the relationship between himself and his wife had degenerated and as a result their sexual life had become badly affected. He confessed to the elder that he was now under immense pressure. Besides, at this time, they were still childless.
Being a young handsome Pastor, he was the delight of several beautiful female members who were single and some, single mothers, who throng his office to check on him – some out of genuine care and some with clear overtures according to him. The honour and acceptance he was no longer getting from his wife was being generously lavished on him by these beautiful single sisters. He was really vulnerable.
The elder decided to intervene and called the wife to speak to her about the husband’s complaint.
“If he likes let him go and commit adultery, he will just go to hell fire.”
The elder replied:
“Well, let’s assume he commits adultery, judging by the fact that he’s a genuine christian, he’ll likely be immediately remorseful and cry for mercy. Won’t God forgive him if he cries for mercy? So, that hell fire you’re talking about, he may never go there. But if the devil will really set you up, that adultery will occur when the woman is ovulating and she’ll become pregnant. If the devil will now kill it finally, the child will be a boy. Yes, you’ll be angry but after a while you’ll calm down because you also wouldn’t want your home to scatter. And you see that boy, he will permanently be the first born of the family – the “arole”.”
Her face suddenly lightened up as though a light bulb went on inside of her. She obviously never saw the possible risks in the lane she was toeing
This is the real illusion of those who maltreat their partners in marriage and take them for granted. They are like louse which stick to a dog sucking its blood away thinking they are killing the dog without realizing that they are inadvertently killing themselves, because the day the dog drops dead, that’s the end for the louse too.
There’s hardly a single casualty in marriage. Because the lives of the two have been fused, if one of them goes down, the other goes with them.
Maybe this understanding will change our attitude towards our marriages. Maybe it will help us to really put the right value on that union. Maybe this will help us commit to ensuring that day by day, our partners are really happy to be with us because they are really enjoying the relationship.
I called my wife the other day on phone while she was at work and asked her; – and I do this from time to time – are you really happy to be with me? Are you really enjoying our marriage? Is this marriage making you happy? Is it promoting your interest? If you have a choice – maybe someone else is trying to woo you and he has a lot of money – will your experience with me be so good in your memory that I will be your choice again and again?
Of course as you may expect, when I asked her if I’m making her happy, her answer was NO – I knew the answer will be No, because my wife sees that as an opportunity to negotiate for more. ?? So I asked how I can make her happy. She gave me a long list of things to buy for her. Shoes, bags, some new hair, some new clothes – and then she wants a car. ?? I told her I’ll buy all for her – but I may not be able to buy the car now. But that she should not worry, in a few years from now, I’ll buy her a car. We laughed and laughed.
You don’t need to have all the answers at the moment guys. The ones you can’t yet do, you can make a sincere promise, and ensure you’re working at your life empirically on daily basis. A promise is still a substance to hold on to if she sees your daily focus and hard work towards your goals.
Eventhough I know that by the Bible’s preachment which she is committed to, she’s bound to me for life no matter what, I don’t want to relate with her with that sense of security. I want to relate with her as though it’s a pure business contract that can be terminated if the contract is no longer promoting the interest of one of the parties. That’s a better way to deal with our partners if they’ll get our best.
She does this also from time to time. At an unguarded moment, she would look at me and ask, “are you happy you married me?” ?? Do you have any regret? Even if I’m not happy at that time, I’ll pretend ? and say, “I’m so happy baby… you’re just the best… only that I wish you can …” ??
Marriage is sweeter when we are both committed to making our partners every step of the way ever grateful to God that they chose us.
How can you be happy that someone chose you and they are not happy? Doesn’t that totally destroy your self-esteem? But I guess you behave like this because because you think they don’t have a choice than to stay with you?
Hell no! There’s always a choice. And many have been shocked when the partner they thought couldn’t do without them packed their bags and left, only for them to start running helter skelter to fix things when it’s already too late! And sometimes someone may not leave you physically, but you’ve completely lost them; you’ve completely lost the joy you once shared!
Stop over-prizing yourself. In reality, no one really is indispensable!
To be continued on Sunday at 5pm.
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org