My dear Sister, there are marriage propositions that one should not even consider. They are too off the mark. And there is no point either praying about them. It would be a waste of God’s time so that if God were an earthly Judge, damages could even be awarded against you for bringing a frivolous application before Him. That happens in legal practise down here.
I suspect that this guy doesn’t have value for the things of God. It’s why he says he isn’t a Sunday service type. He can choose to go on Wednesday instead and there are weeks he doesn’t go at all. It would on the surface appear as though this guy is only being liberal; after all what matters is having a relationship with God and doing church is not the same as a living relationship with God. Yes, taken, but I’m afraid this guy doesn’t even have such a personal relationship. It’s why he doesn’t have a convincing explanation for his liberality. You may be dealing with a complete stranger to the culture of faith you carry on your own head. You will regret being imprisoned in marriage with this person going by the total contrast in your values. There are those who may not be able to keep up with Sunday services for instance because of their engagement in other kingdom work outside the church. There is really nothing special about Sunday worship that Wednesday worship cannot deliver. But I’m afraid if someone who doesn’t really have a frequent time of meeting with God personally disdains regular corporate worship.
I’m further afraid of someone in this age and time who is not on any social media platfom. Not even WhatsApp. Even with a Java old model phone, you can Facebook including without data subscription. So really, there is no opportunity for you to conduct due diligence on him. That’s scary. In law, due diligence is the background information you gather before buying a piece of property for instance. You want to investigate the history of the property with sufficient mental alertness to catch any red signs. You want to find out if there are any encumbrances on the land. There are lands that vendors seek to sell to three buyers at the same time. Same land. And there are lands owned by someone else completely unrelated to the person selling to you who is posing as the real owner. Land transactions can be so tricky. Some lands have been used to stand surety for a loan by way of mortgage. Until the loan is paid up, there is a charge on that land. If you buy it, you bought nothing. Your money is gone. There is so much detailed investigation that goes into buying even just a plot of land if you don’t want the whole transaction to end in regret. That’s what we call due diligence. If this long due diligence is expected to go into the purchase of an ordinary plot of land that you can sell to someone else if you end up not liking it anymore, how much more is required of a marital prospect who will influence your life and destiny permanently and who you can’t change?
Since its inception, the social media has been a very useful platform for conducting due diligence on people. It is to marriage prospect investigation what the land registry is to lands in Nigeria. With facebook for instance, you can trace the life of someone in the last ten years. You can read their posts to decipher their mentalities and the things that influence them. Someone did this on me discretely. Thank God I am the notorious “gudugudu” that cannot be caught unawares. On Facebook, you can even discover who your prospect’s best friends are and go further to interrogate the walls of those friends since birds of a feather flock together. A red sign on the page of his best friend is a red sign for you which must not be ignored. Saying yes to a man is a serious business even if the yes you’re giving is still yes to a relationship to check things out. Bear in mind that people are known to get stuck in a relationship which they were just trying out. It’s why I advise people not to smell what they know they cannot eat. Don’t date someone you cannot marry. It’s foolhardy. You may get stuck.
If you say yes to a relationship with this man, it would be tantamount to you staking your entire life on a product you don't even have its specs. And to complicate things, all avenues to investigate its spec are unavailable. Just forget it and run for… Click To Tweet
As per the other issue you raised, let me tell you something point blank. It is impossible for a guy to be in love with a lady and not call her frequently. I just said it is impossible. There is just a way God programmed those hormones that elicit excitement about someone you love and want to be with. You’ll always struggle to keep your minds off them every hour except you’re completely occupied. And if so, what of after retiring home in the night, that’s what a guy’s mind fixes on first – the lady he’s trying to woo. This your own situation is strange. He may not call once in three weeks and sometimes he doesn’t at all. He’s not interested in you. If he says he is, he is not a serious person. You can’t even chase a mosquito such lazily and catch it. Just be sure you don’t have a suitor. Convince yourself. Your man is on the way. Sometimes God needs to show you who your man is not so that you may recognise who he is. Human beings sometimes don’t recognise and appreciate the real until they have experienced the counterfeit.
When your man comes whose ideal woman you are, he will almost lose sleep over you. You know that feeling when you’ve been looking for a particular spec for so long and then finally, you stumble on it and they tell you this is the only one left of the pack. You will become “Mario” immediately. I’m sure you know what I mean. You will be ready to pay any amount to get it. It will be like that proverbial man in the bible who found a field with treasures and went to sell all that he had to purchase it. (Mathew 13:44). He will do everything to ensure he wins your heart. There is no excuse that you give him why you’re reluctant that will sell. He will dot over you. You’ll be surprised yourself at how a full grown man loses his composure just by setting his eyes on you. His entire soul is already imprinted with you, that’s why. And so he cannot hide his helplessness. I’m just trying to describe to you what to expect when someone who’s truly in love with you finds you. I’m sure you can’t wait. It’ll come shortly. You’ll enjoy it. I wish you that. I wish you happiness too and above all things, I wish you love.
Your brother,
Peniela Akintujoye.
