My dear Aquila, I heard you’re considering going to sleep with a call girl because your wife is starving you of sex due to the unhappy state of your marriage. I really can understand how you feel. You’re in a difficult place. If not that you’re a godly man, you wouldn’t have even discussed this with any authority figure. You really don’t want to do this, but you’re fed up.
Ordinarily speaking, the fact that there’s a dispute is never a reason for us to deny each other sex. It’s the same as not giving each other food because there’s a quarrel. That’s taking quarrel too far.
In marriage, sex is like food. There’s always a limit you can go without having it after the last one. When the hunger for it descends and it’s not satisfied, every part of your system scatters. Especially when the food is right before you and you can’t eat it because she’s going to turn you down. It’s punitive. It’ll naturally make you mad. As you see her, you’re mad with her.
I hope as married couples we can develop some maturity and set certain minimums below which we will never go – one of such is to never suffer one another with the two basic foods that married people live on – the one made in the kitchen and the one made in the bedroom.
If I don’t give my spouse physical food because of a quarrel, it means I don’t mind them dying. That’s immature. That’s extreme. Maybe we really never loved each other. That’s the only way I can explain it. In the same way, if I don’t give my spouse sexual food because of a quarrel, it means I also don’t mind them dying emotionally. That’s equally too far.
Every couple has unhappy times, it’s just that some of us have agreed to certain minimums below which we will never go no matter the quarrel. I hope you can get your wife to agree to certain minimums after this current issue is resolved.
That said and despite how justifiable you believe your decision to step out may be, I’ll advise against it for the following reasons:
1. When the storm in your marriage calms, you’ll look back with sadness that you created a permanent negative record in order to react to a temporary storm. If you could get on the phone with Father Abraham, this would be the regret he’ll express to you. He stooped so low to sleep with their housegirl in a challenging season of their marriage. But the effect of that singular escapade became a permanent scar on his record forever. More worrisomely, when the child of promise eventually came, the child of the bond woman continued to strive with him. To date! Abraham never had true rest for the rest of his life because of that singular event. His hitherto beautiful marriage also didn’t recover from it. There’s an Ishmael that this planned adultery will birth in your life that’ll strive with your Isaac for life when your Isaac returns. Selah. It’s not worth it. Sometimes we don’t really know the depth of the effect of adultery. No wonder the Bible says, whoso commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. Please don’t destroy your own soul. Don’t destroy your future.
2. The devil will usually not miss this kind of opportunity to begin a negative pattern that’ll be permanent in your life. You will plan to do it once and stop. But no, it’ll be so sweet it’ll be like you’ve never had sex before. You’ll crave for more and more until you’re addicted and the hope of getting you back into a functional family life will be difficult. These call girls will turn you sexually wild. In the process, they’ll drain your resources. You’ll begin to borrow to sleep with them when you get fully addicted. In a little while, you’ll become a piece of bread. True, by means of a whorish woman is a man turned into a piece of bread. (Prov. 6:26). Don’t play with negative patterns. They’ll hijack the steering of your life. Even when you’re tired and you say it’s enough, they’ll tell you it’s no longer in your hands. Until they’ve wrecked you beyond recovery, they’re not done. The only way out is never to start!
3. Your marriage may never recover from the acute sense of distrust that this move will precipitate. I don’t know whether you also plan to throw away your marriage completely at this point. Because of your kind of conscience, you’ll still confess to her or the authority figures in your life somewhere along the line. Will your wife accept you back after discovering the facts? Will your marriage ever remain the same again? You will argue she drove you there in the first place. But that won’t fly with her when the storm calms. Consider the flip scenario. If your wife also goes out into the arms of other men under this circumstance and comes back to ask for forgiveness. Will you forgive her? Will things ever remain the same again? The imagination may trouble you for life. I’ve seen many marriages that never recovered from brief stints of infidelity. They just couldn’t recover despite how much they tried.
4. What about your ministry as a priest over your home and the church of God. You’ll lose your priestly garment on account of this also – the moral authority to instruct your wife, children and the church of God in the way of righteousness. A guilty conscience will take this authority away from you. The grace of God in your life will leak out on account of this crack. Remember David and all that went wrong in his family and ministry because he lost his mouth due to his own personal failure in adultery. Is it worth it to lose your ministry and your children’s future to this? Note that sexual sins always have transgenerational effect!
Rather than go this way, let’s fix your unhappy marriage. There’s hardly any marital problem that can’t be fixed if parties are ready to unlearn and relearn in order to do things differently. That’s a far cheaper and more practical alternative to attend to this issue. Please connect me with your wife quick. Of course she won’t hear it from me that you’ve considered this. It’s secret between us for life. But let’s get you both on a recovery path fast!
Your brother,
PEA.
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