Married people are quite familiar with this reality: the reality of moving into the visitor’s room when there’s a quarrel. From available records, women do more of the moving out than men. Some couples can sleep apart for two weeks like this. The anger they have against their partner is so strong that they can’t stand sleeping with them on the same bed.
The fact is this temptation is real and the suggestion comes to all of us in the face of certain serious disagreements. But with the understanding of the negative consequences of this, my wife and I have always resisted yielding to this temptation in the past one year.
Except for unions where there is a possibility for physical violence, I would never encourage anyone to imbibe this culture of sleeping apart when there’s a quarrel.
When you sleep together on the same bed, the chances of quicker reconcilation is more. All you need to do sometimes is to turn and see a beautiful woman beside you. In her sleep, she’s so harmless and innocent. That picture can sometimes overshadow the picture of the stern face and sharp mouth you argued with before going to bed. And then suddenly you’ll see your heart melting towards her.
Being on the same bed, there is a greater chance for her to hear you pray at dawn and join in the prayer – if you have such a culture of praying together in the morning. Then you will see how impossible it is for a couple to pray together and still continue in malice thereafter.
Being on the same bed, the chances of unplanned, extemporaneous reconciliatory sex – which is usually more passionate and sweeter by the way – is rife.
The moment you move into the visitor’s room, you destroy all of these possibilities. And then there’s a chance for the devil to help you groom that little quarrel into something you won’t recognize one week after.
I remember an occasion when Iyebiye and I had had a quarrel shortly before bed time. In the heat of it, she stood up from the bed, picked her cover-clothe and bolted out towards the visitor’s room. I sat on that bed very sad. “Is someone about to breach our marriage constitution? Does it mean I’ll be lonely on this bed through this long night? With the life of Christ that we are both learning, she should not be able stay in that room. The Holy Spirit should be able to convict her heart and send her back.”
While I was still brooding on this, “the door opened back. She was back with the same cover-clothe. And next she took her position beside me ready to sleep. I really was happy to see her responding to the obligation of the life of Christ. “That’s my wife,” I thought to myself proudly eventhough I pretended as though I was indifferent.
By the time I was ready to sleep, as I put my phone away, I turned towards her side and suddenly got captivated by her beautiful derriere shooting out towards me. I slid my hands inside that cover clothe for some better feel watching for the reaction.
Immediately note that it is the principle of not staying long on offences that made me able to make that move in the first place. It really wasn’t too long that we quarrelled. When you become so used to this new life of no malice, a time will come when you really can’t stay thirty minutes out of peace with your partner. A time will also come when you’ll no longer feel small for initiating peace. You won’t feel small for doing it anymore. It would have become your new normal.
So as my hands got busy, she gave a sound that suggested, “welcome my husband” and turned towards me for some better access. This was someone that frowned to bed. I was really surprised. This woman is really conforming to Christ faster than I thought.
I immediately began a miracle service. Before you could say jack, my wife took over the microphone, asked me to take a rest, and conducted the rest of the service – in the process, giving me the best treat ever – ensuring she was the one taking care of me and not the other way round. What a night! Today must be the day of my reward for teaching my wife the life of Christ.
In the morning, she raised the issue of the quarrel in a manner that showed she was really still hurt. “Really? You were still hurt and yet you treated me to third heavens the way you did? Now I’m happy I married this girl. A girl who is responding to the word!”
She told me the moment she got to the visitor’s room, she remembered all the teachings. That was what brought her back. And that later in the midnight when I touched her, she also immediately remembered all the teachings about the life of Christ. That was what influenced her response. She then added and said something I couldn’t remove my mind from: “I really pity those in marriage who have no access to the kind of teachings we’ve been learning.”
Throughout that day, we were just like Romeo and Juliet following ourselves up and down everywhere. We were so connected to each other in love so much so that if anyone told you we had a very serious disagreement the previous night, you will never believe.
What are the lessons here:
1. Resist the temptation to sleep in the visitor’s room no matter the situation.
2. There is a greater chance for a quicker reconcilation when you sleep together on that same bed.
3. Teachings play a key role in the prosperity of marriages. The voices your marriage is open to can make or mar it.
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org