Sis. X:
Some things are not just convenient for us to practice as people called of God. Recently, I have been bothered about even sex practiced within the bounds of marriage. The things I’ve heard are so disgusting and debasing for humans to practice, how much more, sons of God, all in the name of we’re married.
Bro. Peniela:
I like to know which scripture teaches about sexual immorality between a man and his wife who are married. That’s a novel topic. Let’s have it. My current understanding is that while parties are free to agree together on what they consider convenient or healthy or both, the Bible didn’t teach bodily restriction between a married couple. Maybe I was wrong. So I like to know from scriptures.
Sister X:
I’m waiting for the study too my brother.
Like I earlier mentioned, some things are not clearly stated as dos and don’ts in the Scriptures, but they can be inferred. 1 Corinthians 6:12, has always been helpful to me in matters like this.
“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
1 Corinthians 6:12 KJV
Let’s use the instance of Oral sex that’s now trending in marriages (or perhaps it’s been in existence and those involved weren’t bold to teach it or speak about it). What’s the function of the penis and vagina in sexual intercourse? Should the penis or vagina be treated as the lips and breasts during sexual intercourse? Are these parts meant for sucking?
If it’s okay to have oral sex in marriage, shouldn’t anal sex be okay as well?
When did the penis or vagina become a mammary gland and thus for sucking?
These are questions I have asked those who say oral sex should be permitted in marriage or is okay in marriage. I’ve not found answers. Maybe I could get answers on this platform.
Bro. Peniela:
I cannot find anywhere in the Bible where the Bible suggested any form of bodily restriction between a married couple. Rather we see an instruction on complete authority over the other person’s body.
“Husbands and wives should satisfy each other’s [sexual] needs. A wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but his wife does. Don’t withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 GWT.
A WIFE DOESN’T HAVE AUTHORITY OVER HER OWN BODY, BUT HER HUSBAND DOES.
The focus of the bible clearly is the satisfaction of the other’s sexual needs. Whatever the need is.
Message version makes it more interesting.
“The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.”
From the above, the instruction of the Lord to me Peniela is to, “seek to satisfy my wife sexually.”
The word “seek” already suggests conscious effort, already assumes it may not be initially convenient. Since this whole thing is all about serving the other person, and marriage is not a place for me to stand up for my rights, I should happily inconvenience myself to ensure I satisfy my wife sexually in obedience to God’s word.
Now this is the twist, only her can tell me what satisfies her. Only her can guide me towards satisfying her. Though there are general erotic zones in the body of a woman, she has her own peculiarities. She has a way she wants to be ministered to. Her whole body without restriction is the “capital” God has provided for the carrying out of this uphill portfolio investment. It seems like the parable of the talents; God is not going to interfere with however I choose to administer the capital. But he won’t play with his ROI (Return on Investment)- to satisfy my wife sexually maximally.
If my wife expresses a desire to be ministered to in a particular way, even if I ordinarily find it inconvenient, I should not stand up to my right. I should with the mentality of service and a desire to make the other party happy seek to satisfy her by all means.
She isn’t free to get that satisfaction outside the wedlock, why should I now ignore her legitimate requests? Why should following God by choosing to have a single sexual partner become a disadvantage to her?
Service requires a lot of humility and selflessness. My body is totally for her and hers is totally for me. I am not my own. That’s selflessness. The mindset of service and selflessness is required for a successful marriage beyond sexual matters. A marriage that lacks this mindset cannot be a success in any area of the marital existence.
The word “perversion” means, “against what is orthodox or normal.” The question is who dictates what is normal as far as sexual interaction is concerned? Generally, kissing is not considered perversion by all? It is considered normal. Who legislated its normalcy? Sister X said the penis is not meant to be licked like the lips. Who told us that the lips is meant to be licked? Biologically, the lips is meant to make our speech audible and also to assist us in drinking liquid. Why should it be licked?
The simple answer to why we lick the lips is that the lips contains a lot of nerve endings. That’s what makes it sensitive and pleasurable when stimulated. The most convenient part of the body to be used to stimulate another person’s lips is your own lips. But there are other erogenous zones in the body (having packs of nerve endings) that can be stimulated with more than one part of the body.
An example is a woman’s clitoris. It can be stimulated with the Penis, the fingers, the lips and also the tongue. Maybe more. So you have many options. Why should using anyone of these be regarded “perversion”? It’s your choice. The goal is more important: to satisfy your wife according to 1 Corinthians 7:3.
Besides, it’s established that most women cannot experience orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. The penis is thus ruled out. If the rule is “only the penis is normal”, how can you use it to directly stimulate the clitoris? Then by not using your tongue which could have stimulated it excellently and given her a very pleasurable experience, you would be failing in obeying the biblical injunction to fully satisfy your wife.
Which one is more important? Protecting your bias or doing God’s will? God’s will here is for your partner to be maximally satisfied, for them to have multiple orgasms. If the tongue is what can bring her that orgasm, then it’s in God’s will for you to use the tongue.
The man’s penis also can be stimulated by more than one means. The real super sensitive part of that powerful joystick is the tip of it called the glans. It contains between 4,000 & 7,000 nerve endings. The clitoris on the other hand has around 8,000 nerve endings.
Now as you can imagine, the penis can be stimulated not just by its thrust rhythmically into the vagina but through direct stimulation with the hand or lips or mouth or tongue. The important point is that there are options. Whatever option you choose should be your choice, and if your choice is based on the need to bring your husband maximum pleasure, then you’re perfectly in God’s will in line with 1 Cor. 7:3.
That porn actors and actresses practice oral sex doesn’t make it pervert. They kiss too.
Sexual expressions are a lot natural human instincts rather than the prescribed behaviour of a particular group. And the instincts and sexual preferences and sexual tendencies of humans are so much multi-specied that you can’t possibly imagine all of them to be able to legislate against them.
One of the best ways to show love to some people is to gently and lovingly comb their hair. Funny but true. Some want their earlobe kissed and played with probably with the tongue (this tongue again)! Referring to the tongue, the bible itself had once exclaimed, “Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth.” (James 3:5). Even in sexual matters, the tongue is a powerful tool of kindling sexual fire.
So what’s normal changes with more knowledge and information. Orthodoxy is also not rigid. It changes with time. The generation of our children will probably see women wearing trousers in Nigeria as the Orthodox way of dressing because the culture has changed before they were born. Wasn’t like that when we were born.
The orthodox sexual position for couples used to be the missionary position because most people in the previous generations were missionaries. Humour is intended. That made sex very monotonous. When you think that as a christian couple you’ll have sex with just one person for the whole of your life, you’ll appreciate why there should be many creative positions for the purpose of spice and fresh excitement.
The only sex the bible called unnatural is men sleeping with men and women sleeping with women. (Romans 1:25-27.) The bible never called unnatural any sexual conduct between opposite sexes. If you ask me, if the Holy Spirit wanted to legislate sexual boundaries between married couples, this Romans 1 passage was His greatest opportunity, because there He addressed “unnatural sexual conduct” and “sexual perversion.”
That He didn’t include anything between couples of opposite sex should tell us He is not including it. In Law world over, one of the cardinal principles of interpretation of statutes is, “expressio unius est exclusio alterius;” : “the express mention of one or more things of a particular class is regarded as impliedly excluding others (not mentioned).”
So to respond to your opening statement where you said, “some things are just not convenient;” here in Romans 1, the Holy Spirit listed those things that aren’t convenient which some people were practicing: homosexuality, bestiality and the likes. No mention of oral sex between married couples was included as one of those things that are inconvenient. And the fact it wasn’t mentioned (here or in any other portion of the bible) can be correctly construed to mean God considers it convenient – as long as it is between two people that are married.
It is actually convenient when you consider that, “Sex shouldn’t be just an act, it should be a communion, a deeper knowing, ‘into-me-see’ between couples. It is because we don’t spend enough time having intimacy with ourselves that our bodies have not suggested those forms of intimacy.”
If intimacy therefore is the goal, you can be free to be intimate with your partner however you feel with the innocence of a child. There are no bars. The point is, the crave for intimacy is what will dictate the direction of your love-making. Make no rules- just follow the lead of MR INTIMACY! He’s your Angel.
Wherever MR INTIMACY leads, follow; no matter how seemingly shallow or how seemingly deep. As long as “he” is the ultimate goal you achieved, you’re good. Don’t use rules to obfuscate intimacy.
Interestingly, the only book of the Bible devoted fully to erotic love shares what many believe is a veiled reference to oral sex between a man and his wife.
“As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, And his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
Song of Solomon 2:3 KJV
(Note: What is a man’s seed (or fruit)? Where is a woman’s taste bud located?)
“I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey…”
Song of Solomon 5:1 KJV
(Note: ‘eaten’ and ‘honey’). What is the nature of honey and what part of a woman’s body looks like a hive? And remember that the word “eaten” explains an action that can only be done with the mouth.
You suggested Pastor Y opined that oral sex is not convenient. Well, that can’t be a general position. Something you have a stigma in your mind against can never be convenient. Some culture eat worms for instance. Because you have a stigma in your mind about eating worms, it can never be convenient for you to eat worms. Doesn’t mean eating worms is not normal or good. New knowledge in essence erases hitherto held stigmas. It happens all the time. The day you come across a superior argument that shakes your dogma, what you thought was inconvenient can start becoming convenient.
As per health concerns, my research shows that health-wise, there’s no negativity associated with oral sex that’s not associated with “orthodox” penetrative sex. The rule of safety for oral sex is good hygiene. As long as the mouth is well brushed and the parties have a clean bath, they are good to go. If it is between a faithful christian married couple who have no other sex partners, health risks are the more reduced significantly.
Ironically, some studies are showing that oral exposure to a partner’s semen appears to decrease a woman’s chances for the various immunological disorders that can occur during pregnancy which lead to miscarriages. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_sex Accessed 26th June, 2019 around 2pm.
Some people believe that oral sex “is one of the most intimate behaviors that a couple can engage in because it requires total trust and vulnerability.” Janell L. Carroll (2009). Sexuality Now: Embracing Diversity. Cengage Learning. pp. 265–267. ISBN 978-0-495-60274-3. Retrieved August 29, 2013. This intimacy certainly improves bonding which is advantageous to the overall health of the marriage.
Anal sex are considered more unsafe health-wise if unprotected because of the enormity of bacterias in this region more than other regions and the fact it doesn’t have a natural lubrication system like the vagina. The cavity is also narrow. Damage may therefore occur to the anus or the rectum. Without protection and proper artificial lubrication, anal sex is medically unsafe.
That said however, plenty nerve endings are packed in the anal region which can make stimulation quite pleasurable and sexually rewarding. With good hygiene, protection (when necessary) and proper artificial lubrication therefore, couples can have a good experience with anal sex. The same argument with oral sex applies here. No biblical restrictions as long as this is happening between a married couple. They have power over the entirety of each other’s body, and whatever brings them maximum pleasure fulfils God’s will for the two of them. 1 Cor. 7:3.
The summary of my submissions are as follows:
1. There are no biblical provisions that legislate bodily restrictions between a married couple of opposing sexes.
2. The goal of God is the satisfying of our partners sexually in the spirit of humility and service by whatever means that is not harmful.
3. Perversion according to the bible is unnatural sex (homosexuality) and not anything between a married couple of opposite sexes.
4. Couples should agree on whatever they consider convenient even before marriage in the right atmosphere and respect each other’s decision. And if the position of the two parties are completely irreconcilable (in courtship), the couple is strongly advised to part ways before marriage. So issues of this nature are part of what ought to be clarified and agreed upon in courtship.
5. Couples should commit to constantly improving their sexual life through new knowledge and should not be ashamed to change when something hitherto inconvenient becomes convenient due to knowledge.
Your brother,
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| hello@lovestraighttalks.com
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