Some months back, I woke up one morning to the message below from one of our sisters in the community who had read about the anesthetic lube through the post we did about our honeymoon experience back then. She reached out on behalf of a friend who was a virgin and about to marry at the time. I informed her of the name of the lube and how her friend’s husband should get the job done.
Hello Sir, good morning. I reached out to you sometime ago about the gel for my friend. I also got married on the 14th of June and we went to get the gel also alongside (a popular water based lubricant). But he wasn’t able to penetrate until almost two weeks later. We used the gel patiently and he was able to go through without me feeling pains.
However, he was quite scared of the blood and just stopped. The next time we tried, it was really another tug of war. But he eventually penetrated again. But somehow, I felt pains this time. And it made me totally turn off as regards sex because of the pains I felt.
Now, he is still not being able to penetrate again and it usually just feels like the first time. We both are very frustrated and we don’t know what to do anymore.
Do you think I would be able to ever get to look forward to having sex and actually enjoying it? Because at the moment, it doesn’t intrigue me.
I quickly arranged an emergency video counselling sessions with them. Aside my commitment to all our disciples and followers, I do have a special concern for those who married as virgins. I never like to see them regret they kept themselves pure and inexperienced until marriage. Both the man and woman here were virgins and inexperienced, and so a lot of coaching was urgently needed.
When I interacted with them, I found the following as the cause of the problem:
1. The brother was scared to pack enough of the anesthetic lube inside the vagina. He thought it could affect his new bride in some negative ways. Smiles. Such a gentle and protective brother he was. He was wrong. Packing it inside generously affects nothing.
2. He used his finger at first, but immediately he saw blood, he was scared and stopped. Because he stopped prematurely, by the time he was coming back later, the place that was already taking three fingers was not able to take one conveniently any longer. He ought not to have stopped. He ought to have continued until he could use his organ to penetrate that same moment. He could have successfully penetrated the very first day.
3. They thought the anesthetic lube was only useful for the first time. So after the blood scared him on the first occasion, all the time he was coming back to continue, they had switched from the anesthetic lube. They were now using a normal water based lubricant. That was the cause of the excruciating pain for the sister. I later asked them to resume the anaesthetic lube once again, and continue with it for another one or two weeks or more, until it is certain that the sore wound of the broken hymen had healed up.
But they needed to first remove their focus from penetration. I told the brother how much pleasure, including orgasm he could bring to his wife without penetration at all. Most of the erogenous zones in the body of a woman are located outside the vulva and requires no penetration to stimulate. More than 85% of women can only climax through direct clitoral stimulation. Only about 8% have been reported to be able to climax through vagina intercourse. Now, this clitoris is located outside the vulva and need no penetration to stimulate. The breast too, and many others.
A proper sex philosophy is that which focuses on giving the wife her pleasure (and probably orgasm) first before the man seeks his own.
So I encouraged the brother to commence each sex proceedings with a generous foreplay. Where to begin the foreplay is the forehead. The vagina mustn’t be the first place. The vagina hates abrupt intrusion. It needs a minimum time to be prepared to receive any guest, because it is the international headquarters.
Gentle, loving kisses must commence from the forehead, down to the lips, earlobe, neck, chest, breast, nipples (licking and sucking – be careful not to bite with your teeth please), the stomach and navel – cover everything with your kisses. You can then move your tongue towards her vulva and clitoris, but it’s just a tease Just trace the edges as if you’re going there but don’t go there yet. You’re only teasing the area with your tongue just to increase her anticipation.
She can turn upside down at this point so that you can have an opportunity to kiss her afresh from the back of her forehead to her back, buttock, thighs and leg. While you’re doing all this, your mouth is busy speaking sweet things, erotic and vulgar things to her. “O baby, I can’t ever have enough of you. Every part of your body drives me crazy.” “Your lips is like honeycomb, I want to use the rest of my life eating it up.” “Your buttock is so smooth and inviting, I feel like eating it up.”
It’s good for the woman to also talk back and be involved in the entire love play so as to increase her arousal. “Thank you my baby for loving me so much. I am happy that I chose you above all else. I cant wait to have that your fat turgid penis inside my international headquarters. That rod is mine, it’s for my pleasure, and I’m ready to eat it all alone for the rest of my life. Fuck me baby, my pussy is yours and yours alone.”
She can also be playing with his penis and scrotal sac while he is still busy servicing her. She can even quickly ask him to hold on for a quick blow job where she lovingly and gently stimulates his glans (the cap of the penis) and shaft with her tongue and mouth. Almost every husband loves to see this done to them. Doing this makes her the more sexually excited in preparation for penetration. Beyond just lying down and waiting for the man to do all the work, if a woman is involved in love play, she’s the more excited and aroused in preparation for the Chief Commander’s grand entry.
After enjoying a hot blow job, the man can resume his love play towards the woman. He’s now ready to use his tender tongue to stimulate the entire vulva.
Of course, at this point, I was watching the faces of this young couple to see their reaction. I assured them that as long as they could have a cold and clean bath before sex and then get their genitals well shaved, there is nothing harmful with using the tongue on each other’s genitals. In short, the tongue gives the greatest pleasure especially around the genitals of a woman. The clitoris (and the entire vulva) is very sensitive and gives more pleasurable sensation when stimulated with a tender instrument like the tongue far better than a finger or any other part.
So I told him at this point to get his head in-between her tighs and do some serious signs and wonders. To gently stimulate the clit with his tongue. You will see how the woman will be wriggling in pleasure at this point. She may want to stop you due to the extreme pleasurable feeling; thou shall not agree with her. ? If possible, use your hands to lovingly hold her hands down so you can take her to eldorado. She deserves to have extreme pleasure isn’t it?
The labia minora should also be licked and sucked gently with the tongue and mouth. The feeling in your mouth as a husband is heaven on earth! Be careful not to bite it please. When you’re done with this, you’re now ready to tongue-fuck. This involves dipping your tongue into the very opening of the vagina in an in-out motion as though you’re penetrating with your organ. This is where she will begin to beg you to stop out of extreme pleasure. That very opening (2-3 inches into the vagina) is about the most sensitive in that vagina structure.
Now, this is where you’ll have the rare opportunity to have a taste of the very precious and delicious vagina juice. That’s what I like to call it. I refer to the natural lubrication that would already be at the opening and inside the vagina where you’re doing your tongue fucking. The fluid is totally harmless to your health. It’s a little salty but never mind, after the first time, you’ll realize it’s the best drink in the world. You’ll at some point look forward to have a taste of it frequently.
When you’re done tongue-fucking, you can still go back to the clit with your tongue and repeat the process. Finally you’re done. It’s now time for some fingering of the G-spot. The G-Spot is about the most erotic part inside the vagina. It is located at the upper wall of the vagina, rough and spongy in texture. It is believed to be an extension of the clitoral structure which is actually far bigger than the clitoral head that shoots out at the vulva area.
The woman had been lying on her back all along while you did the tongue-fucking and the rest. In that same posture, insert a well lubricated index finger inside the vagina with your palm facing up. Then do a “come” sign with that index finger. That way, you’ll be touching the G-Spot. You’ll notice the place is rough and spongy. Rub the place lovingly. It’s quite sensitive. She may feel like she wants to urinate as you rub it, but it’s a false sign. It’s only because the area is closely linked with the urethral structure. So maybe she should urinate before you start so that she can be sure she isn’t about to pea on the mattress.
As you stimulate her G-Spot with your finger, bend over her chest to suck her nipples at the same time. Pleasuring the two zones at the same time can be such a special gift for your wife.
By now, you’ve had foreplay for close to 45 minutes or even more. At this point the vagina will surely be ready to receive her guest. Certainly, your penis would have gone flaccid at this point because you’ve focused on your woman all the while. Your wife should then give a feather-like stimulation with her fingers on your scrotal sac. A feather-like touch with the fingers on that sac will make the penis to come erect afresh.
In that erect state, now rub an artificial lubricant on your penis for seamless motion. Sometimes your wife will tell you not to worry about using any artificial lubrication because she feels
enough lubrication inside her. At the beginning though, your body may not have become adjusted to sex enough to give you sufficient natural lubrication.
With your lubricated organ, you are ready to go inside her. Let the penetration be gentle. The woman can use her hands to guide her special guest inside the honey pot. Then wait a bit to confirm if thrusting can commence, then you can begin to thrust. While thrusting, you can still be sucking her nipples and doing many other things at the same time.
Whenever you feel like you’re about to ejaculate, you can stop thrusting momentarily so that the ejaculation can be delayed. Stop for some seconds and then continue again. This will help you to really last in bed so that you have a greater chance to bring her to orgasm before you orgasm yourself and go flat.
If she doesn’t climax before you and you have gone flat, you can bring her to her own climax with a manual stimulation of the clitoris with your finger or preferably your tongue. Communication matters in all this. She should be able to tell you what feels better for her so you know exactly what areas to focus on and which of your body parts to engage.
Men and brethren, above was my counsel for this couple. For their own penetration, I asked them to still use the anaesthetic lube for a while to support the natural lubrication which may not yet be secreting sufficiently at the early stage of sex. Even if the anesthetic lube numbs the woman making her unable to get maximum pleasure from the penetration, she should have gotten enough pleasure and possibly orgasm through the foreplay before it was time for penetration at all.
By this time, the two of them were already on fire. ?? They were eager to go practice all I’ve thought them. I needed to quickly release them. ?
Some weeks later when they messaged me, they testified that everything had changed. They were now having painless, pleasurable and more frequent sexual relationship. They added that eventhough they wouldn’t claim everything had become perfect, things had greatly improved.
I encouraged them to celebrate what they already had. No one becomes an expert in anything in just one month. There is a lifetime to perfect the act. Even if orgasm for the woman was not yet a reality or not yet frequent, as long as she still has a very good pleasurable experience of the act, it’s a good place to build further, and certainly with even that, she can look forward to having sex again and again. With more sex, the act can be gradually perfected.
Peniela E. Akintujoye
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| email@example.com