So Sister X chatted me up during the course of the last week. She had a question.

Sister X: Good evening Sir. I saw your post on Facebook. I liked you and I just joined.

Bro. Penny: Good. A big welcome to you.

Sister X: Thanks. I have a question. Is romance good in a courtship since sexual intercourse is not allowed?

Bro. Penny: My dear, it is difficult to draw a line between what you call romance and sexual intercourse. Romance is sexual interaction itself. It is inseparably linked with sexual intercourse. It is not the final intercourse that the Bible forbids, it is any form of sexual involvement between unmarried couples. So the term the Bible used to describe this was “sexual immorality.” Not just the final sex.

Sister X: For example a lady that doesn’t want to have sex until marriage but her fiancee wants to always touch her in a sexual manner.

Bro. Penny: It has the same effect dear. Let’s take kissing for example. Why is kissing pleasurable?

It’s simply because there are nerve endings parked in the lips. So when they are stimulated, it brings pleasurable sensation.

This is exactly the same reason why caressing the nipples is pleasurable – nerve endings- just that the ones in the nipples are more. The same reason why stimulating the clitoris is pleasurable – nerve endings- just that the ones in the clitoris are far more in number, in their thousands.

So stimulating the lips (or earlobes or neck) is as good as stimulating the nipples or stimulating the clitoris. It leads to the same result in your body- pleasure, wetness in your private region in preparation for penetration.

Your body interprets everything the same way. Whether kissing the lips (or earlobes or neck) or the nipples or the clitoris. As far as your genitals is concerned you’re ready to have (penetrative) sex.

Now many will easily say stimulating the clitoris or the nipples is too much for “christian premarital romance” but will think kissing the lips or caressing the neck or earlobes is not too much.
But the effect is the same. So why is one OK and one is not OK?

Sister X: That is my confusion.

Bro. Penny: There is no confusion my dear, it is only us humans that are confusing ourselves. If you can’t stay clear completely go and have (penetrative) sex. It makes no difference in the true sense of it. I don’t think God is so much impressed by our “virginity” without purity. We humans are only deceiving ourselves.

Sister X: Thank you so much for your teaching. What causes all these and what is the way out?

Bro Penny: You however need to get your man to agree with you on this. You need to sit him down and convince him about why you need to stay totally clear in order to have a clear testimony. For how long have you been in a relationship?

Sister X: 6 months now. He used to be sexually active before he met me because I told him I will not engage in sex until marriage and he supported me that he is ready to sacrifice that to have a future with me but he always complains about kissing and touching me. I gave in to kissing him frequently when we meet.

Bro. Penny: Ok. Many who eventually fell into fornication didn’t plan to. All they wanted to do is romance. One thing about romance is that it will never satisfy you until you have done the ultimate thing. At the end of every romance that didn’t end in penetration, you would have more punished yourself. You will go away feeling dissatisfied. And then gradually, your guard is being weakened, your resistance is being weakened. One day, you’ll just wake up and realise you have had penetrative sex.

Sister X: U are right I told him that- that it is pure punishment but he was like he is OK with just that.

Bro. Penny: I doubt if God is OK with premarital kissing and touching. The other frank question I will ask you just to convince you further is what is he touching? While the kissing lasts, what is he touching?

Sister X: My breast.

Bro. Penny: You see that. The breast is 100% sexual organ. Do you know some women can have orgasm simply by stimulating the breast? I mean full blown orgasm. The lips is also a sexual organ. (I have told you why). So how can we be done stimulating two full blown sexual organs and then we say since we didn’t penetrate the vagina, we are still holy? What difference will penetration make that we haven’t achieved by stimulating the lips and the breast?

Sister X: Hummmmm. Thanks for the teaching. Correction taken.

Bro. Penny: The lord helps and strengthens you.

Sister X: Amen. We had to organize a fast yesterday concerning this to ask God for mercy and help us to be pure in the remaining course of the relationship.

Bro. Penny: I love that. You guys are great guys. Do your best to stick to your decision. You’ll be grateful you did. You would have invested a solid foundation of trust and clean conscience into your relationship.

Sister X: Thank you sir for your encouragement. Please keep praying for us.

Bro. Penny: I will.

END of chat.

Now I want to quote Joshua Harris.
“…We (himself and his fiancee) understood the progressive nature of sexual involvement. Once you start kissing, you want to move on. We didn’t want to start what we couldn’t finish. When a man and a woman’s lips meet, and their tongues penetrate each other’s mouths, their process of becoming one has begun.

Another way to put it is that we viewed kissing as part of the whole package of sexual union. And we didn't want to dissect the sex act into stages so we could justify enjoying more and more of lovemaking outside of marriage. Click To Tweet

Many christian couples have the conviction that sex should be saved for marriage. Unfortunately, all these really means is that they are saving intercourse for marriage. Do you see how ludicrous this is? Sex is so much more than just penetration. As John White puts it, “Defining coitus in terms of penetration and orgasm has as much moral significance and as much logical difficulty as trying to define a beard by the numbers of hair on a chin.” He goes on to reveal just how silly it is to try to break the passion of love-making into stages.

Many christian couples have the conviction that sex should be saved for marriage. Unfortunately, all these really means is that they are saving intercourse for marriage. Do you see how ludicrous this is? Sex is so much more than just penetration. As John White puts it, “Defining coitus in terms of penetration and orgasm has as much moral significance and as much logical difficulty as trying to define a beard by the numbers of hair on a chin.” He goes on to reveal just how silly it is to try to break the passion of love-making into stages.

I know that experts used to distinguish light from heavy petting, and heavy petting from intercourse, but is there any moral difference between two naked people in bed petting to orgasm and another two having intercourse? Is the one act a fraction of an ounce less sinful than the other?

Is it perhaps more righteous to pet with clothes on? If so, which is worse, to pet with clothes off or to have intercourse with clothes on?

You may accuse me of being crude. Far from it. If we pursue the argument far enough, we will see that an approach to the morality of premarital sex that is based on the details of behavior (kissing, dressing or undressing, touching, holding, looking) and parts of the body (fingers, hair, arms, breasts, lips, genitalia) can satisfy only a Pharisee. A look can be as sensual as touch, and a finger brushed lightly over a cheek as erotic as penetration.

…When it comes to a physical relationship, the beginning and the ending of passion are inseparable.”

Maybe you’ve gotten the point brothers and sisters. Any idea of a holy christian premarital smooch is flawed. Can we please stop deceiving ourselves? There is grace for total sexual purity in our relationships. Let us have grace. And it begins with self sincerity. Let’s stop trying to cover our faces with one finger.

If you’ll like to read more on how to gain strength to stay completely clear of every sexual compromise and live totally pure, please go to the home page and search for:

“A Fighting Chance”, Let’s be old school”, “Debris” and” Dating your type.”

Your brother,
Peniela Akintujoye.
hello@lovestraighttalks.com

#resettingtheodds #makingyourmarriageacenterofrevival

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