Dear Priscilla, it’s sometimes possible for a man to get saved through the instrumentality of the person he wants to marry.
In short, that was the experience of my discipler. He was never a serious Christian. It was the sister that he met in the University and fell in love with that dragged him to church. He kept following her to church for love’s sake. You can’t imagine the extent a man can go if he truly loves a woman.
In the process he met Jesus, got saved and baptised in the Holy Spirit. It was even the Sister that followed him up until he became strengthened. Today he is a mighty man of God. They didn’t eventually marry for some other family consent issues, but the deed had been done – the man that was already saved cannot be unsaved!!!
Although I must say that the Sister all through the disciple-making never made any final commitment to marriage. They simply remained very close friends. And she used that opportunity of the great love the brother had for her to drag him to Jesus in the hope he will become marriageable when he becomes saved.
My discipler always tells me, “my wife and family know it because I tell them all the time that I owe my conversion and spiritual establishment to that Sister.”
But I’m not sure it will be wise for a spiritually weak Sister to follow such a direction.
If you will go that way Priscilla, first you must be certain that your root is very deep in Christ. Then, you must ensure that you don’t make any commitments yet to a formal relationship. Tell him you want to see him grow in Christ first before you will make any commitments. So if he’s someone in a hurry to marry, it can’t possibly work out. Growing in Christ is not a microwave process.
But there are those men that the love they have for you is so pure and genuine, they are ready to wait for as long as is possible just to have you as their life partner. If this guy is such a man, then good!!!
I remember when I first asked Iyebiye to marry me. She gave me a no and the reason was that according to her, she was just in 300 level and wasn’t ready for a relationship until her 500 level final year. I told her I was ready to wait. “What’s two years if after then I can have you exclusively in my bedroom for the next seventy years possibly.” That’s the way true love works Priscilla. When you love a woman truly, there is hardly a price you will consider too costly just to get her. It is why Jacob without even a second thought agreed to serve for seven solid years to pay the bride price of Rachel.
The next thing is that while the disciple-making process is still ongoing, don’t allow yourself to fall in love. Guard your heart. The possibility that this brother will yield himself to the Salvation process is still 50%. You don’t want your emotions to trap you if it turns out he never gets converted and established in Christ despite your efforts.
Falling in love with someone is usually a process you can accelerate by yourself. You just ensure you meditate excessively on him and his physical attractiveness. Don’t forget to litter every corner of your phone with his pictures – make him the screensaver both on your phone and laptop and make his name the password ??); spend a lot of time together going to Shoprite and Ventura Film house to see romantic movies together; and don’t forget to engage with him from time to time in sexually charged discussions orally or by chat. I can assure you that you will fall deep in love very fast even if the brother is very unsuitable for you.
If you now take it a step further and indulge in kissing, smooching or the res-in-res itself; your burial in blind emotional love could then be inextricably sealed.
If your relationship goes in this direction so early, the truth is that you won’t be able to disciple this brother. Most of your time together will always tend towards romancing rather than the spiritual process you committed to. How can you possibly share the word of God with someone who has just finished pressing your boobs? The guilt of sin will prevent you.
So, no falling in love or indulgence in sin. Your authority to be able to lead him to Christ is actually premised on the fact that you live above the sin-life you’re trying to save him from. Or else, you lack the *locus standi* as Lawyers will say. The blind cannot lead the blank.
But can I say also that it is preferable that the discipleship process you will take him through should not primarily or solely be handled by you. Invite him to start attending your church’s meetings. Get a more matured Christian who can directly disciple him. That can be your Church’s Pastor if you’re sure he has the time and heart for it, or else consider any other matured believer who has the time and heart. Your own role will only be supportive and complementary.
You’re the one who holds the primary controlling key actually. But let your Pastors handle the detailed disciple-making while you support. This will help us ensure you don’t spend excessive time together in the name of Bible Study that can easily tend towards falling in love with him.
By the time he reports to you that he is now saved, ensure not to take His word for it. Let His life rather do the talking. Do anonymous investigations to get independent testimonies of third parties who know him very closely and who ought to testify to a changed life if that change has actually taken place. One of such close persons should be the man you committed him to in discipleship.
Then stay sensitive in your Spirit and don’t allow him to rush you. Men have been known to fake change just to get pass the wedding day after which they then begin to show their true colour. If you’re sensitive in your Spirit and observant with your eyes, there will always be that unguarded moment that will let out all the secrets.
But can I say with confidence that your man can go through this kind of process and experience a real encounter with the Lord so that you would not only have won an extra star on your eternal crown of glory for saving a soul, you would have won for yourself a worthy husband that can beautify your life’s journey.
So why not give it a try if you really desire this brother? Don’t tell me he won’t respond until you’ve tried. And stop comparing yourself to your friend who married a ready-made man and didn’t have to expend much energy. Everyone’s life’s journey is peculiar and personal to him. Face the reality of your own journey and make the best out of all the opportunities that God brings your way.
I’m not saying you must marry this man by fire, by force. All I’m saying is that if he is yielded, he can be converted and established in Christ. So give it a try. I hate to associate with lazy and faithless people who give up on projects before even trying!!! Be bold, be a woman of faith, have the audacity of hope, never give up quickly on glorious possibilities.
I’m sure you’ve heard this proverb before. “When life throws at you a lemon, make out of it a lemonade (and if possible a juice factory!!!)” That talks about the ingenuity of turning a seemingly negative situation around into a glorious outcome.
This charge commit I to you O Priscilla. Take the challenge and update me on developments.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org
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