I was Pastoring a local church several years ago when we had this woman who was brought to church.
Her husband was beating and battering her evey time. The man was so bad that he’ll bring girlfriends into the home and sleep with girlfriends on their matrimonial bed when his wife is in the house. That was the height of it. And of course, this woman showed wounds of how the man had been beating her.
When she came – she was the first one that came to church; so I said, “The Word of God says, ” submit to your husband.”
“Haa Pastor, you don’t know my husband. How can I? He’s sleeping everywhere.” I asked her, I said, “do you do your matrimonial duties to your husband?”
“How can I do it for such kind of man? He’s sleeping everywhere.”
I said, “no, the Bible said, having a readiness to avenge every disobedience when your own obedience is complete. Go back home, go and submit.”
I started teaching her. Of course at first it was difficult for her. She said, “No…this, that.”
But as she stayed in the word of God in the Church, six months, maybe a year, she was coming to church, gradually her heart was being overpowered by the word of God. And then she started changing at home. I didn’t even know. I just told her, if you want your home to be settled, this is the word of God. And she started changing towards her husband. She started doing things she had never done before. She will pack all the used clothes of the husband, wash them, send them for laundry and the likes.
One day out of frustration, she came and said, “my husband is not changing.” I told her, “don’t worry, don’t be weary in well doing. In due season you’ll reap the reward.”
Then she said, “can you imagine, he still brought a woman to the house recently.”
“What did you do when he brought the girl home?”
“What do you expect me to do? I poured water on the girl.”
“Haa, that’s not how to handle it.”
“So how should I handle it?”
I told her, “next time, go inside the kitchen, cook for him and the girlfriend to eat. “
“Haa, Pastor!”
I said, “try it. The Bible says if your enemy is hungry, feed him. Is that not what the bible says?”
I don’t know what entered into her head, I think it’s the word of God. She decided to try it.
So the next time the man brought a girlfriend, she met the lady and said, “My friend, how are you? Welcome. What will you like to eat?”
“Eat?” now very embarrassed, “I don’t want to eat.”
“No no no no. Relax, my husband brought you home, and so you’re already my guest.”
So she went to the kitchen, cooked and brought the food for the two of them. Of course they did not eat the food. They were afraid to do so.
In a nutshell, she didn’t change her newly adopted Christlike behavior despite all the man was doing.
After several months – not up to a year- the husband came to the office to see me. He said,
“Pastor, I just want to come and thank you. I don’t know what you’re doing to my wife o. But if she has been doing the way she is doing now since I married her, I’m not a mad man now, I would not have been doing all I’ve been doing towards her. But she has not been reasonable. But now, her head is coming down. Whatever you’re doing to her, please, continue to help me to do it to her.”
I said, “ehnehn, but what about you? You need to give your life to Jesus.”
He said, “no no, I didn’t come so that you can preach to me. I just want you to continue to help me preach to my wife.”
Then he continued,
“But there’s one thing I want to ask of you. I want you to help me tell my wife.” Then he looked round to be sure no other person is around to hear what he was about to say.
“The last thing that remains. My wife does not allow me to sleep with her often. Help me to tell her. If that one is settled, everything will be fine.”
I laughed.
The next time I saw the wife, I spoke to her about it. She reacted violently. “No, I cannot do it o. He that is sleeping around. So that he can infect me with Syphilis and Gonorrhea? Those were days when AIDS was not yet popular.
So I persuaded her. “It’s his right as a husband, if you give him… Finally, she agreed. So she started changing in this regard towards her husband. I didn’t even know.
To cut a long story short, one day, the man said, “that your church that you’re going, I want to carry you there.” He didn’t enter the church that day. He only brought her and the children, dropped them and left for the bar where he normally drinks on Sundays.
The next Sunday, he brought her to church. The following Sunday, he brought her to church. He has been bringing her to church for one month or two like that.
Then one day, after dropping her in church and he had turned back and driving away, he thought to himself, “let me even go and hear what that Pastor is saying.”
He came in, he sat down. And when I gave the altar call, the husband was one of the first to come out to give his life to Christ. The man remained a sound Christian for many years thereafter before his demise a few years ago. The wife also remained a solid christian. And the two of them remained together in love and peace until his death when he was already over seventy years of age.
The “I” in the story above is Bro. Lanre Adeboye of Peace House, Ogbomoso. I spoke to him on phone earlier today and he gave me the permission to share this story which I transcribed directly from a message he preached.
Some weeks ago, I was at a car park with my wife when a woman walked up to us and identified us. She had seen one of our articles on the internet which according to her brought her to tears. She requested for a meeting.
Married for four years with kids but at the brink of divorce because the relationship had been very turbulent. Aside that, the husband has been adulterous. She told me she only came with the mind that if I approve that she should divorce, she would go ahead immediately.
After she narrated everything, of course I saw how the husband needed Christ. But I told her, despite how much I would have loved to speak to your husband, it’s you that is before me seeking for help. I don’t have access to your husband. But I know of a fact that you’ve likely not also been keeping your own Likewise. And a single person in a matrimony who decides to fulfil his/her christian obligation by keeping his/her likewise painstakingly can bring the other to repentance and restore such a marriage to peace.
After explaining to her for hours what this will mean for her practically, we both agreed she will begin as from now to keep her side of being like Jesus, being loving and respectful, not returning insult for insult etc regardless of what her husband does; trusting God that she will be used to bring him to repentance and change.
This morning I received a message from her:
Good morning sir. Testimony time! I thank God I came across this platform on facebook. These recent articles and your words the other time we met have impacted me so much. I found out I am always reminded of how I have promised to live a Christlike attitude even when my husband provokes me. Recently I was asking my husband about our house rent, but his response was, “I don’t have money now.” Later I persuaded him again and he said again, “will I kill myself, I can’t get that money now.” Hehehe? If na before I for don return my own o but I just kept quiet because I want to behave like Jesus. I don’t want to prove any point; but lo and behold, the following day he just messaged me that he will send the money before the weekend of that week.
Wow! I have received the house rent money without fight!
See what God did for me because I kept quiet!
My reply,
Waooooh. I’m soooo happy. The word of God works. Please press on in this new life. You will soon see how you’ll conquer that man completely. More grace my sister!
She replies,
Ha, I can’t wait, he is just wandering what is going on with me.
CONCLUSION:
Eventhough, several social media self-appointed counsellors push the narrative that there are some specially toxic people that the life of Christ cannot conquer. You’ll find from the foregoing that this position is not true except you married the devil himself. The real issue is that most of us don’t have any consistent life of Christ ourselves, with which we can bring an unbelieving or toxic partner to repentance. Our behavior at home has not made the church we go everyday attractive enough to make our partners willing to follow us there to hear the good word of God that will change them.
If they live like Jesus for two years uninterrupted with their partner and yet it never changed the partner, then I’ll believe them. In most cases, they never did even for six months. As the person was misbehaving, they were giving it to them back – tit for tat.
Just as it is for toxic men, I don’t believe it that there’s one toxic woman somewhere that a devoted love of her husband will not conquer. If you know one, bring her for me. Let me marry her for six months and come back to check. ??? I boast in how much confidence I have in God’s word. It doesn’t fail.
Many dead marriages are coming back to life as you read and follow these principles in Jesus name.
Your brother,
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| hello@lovestraighttalks.com
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