No one can cherish in silence and claim to be cherishing. There’s something about cherishing that is inextricably linked with words.
To cherish is to admire, to celebrate and to extol the beauty and splendour of something. How can your wife ever know that you admire her if you never say it?
When she’s done dressing up, she wants to hear you speak. It’s not easy to spend 2 hours dressing for a single event. When she arrives from the saloon, she wants to hear you speak. While your own hairdo takes 30 minutes at the most, she spent 5 hours just to get this ready. But here you are, you didn’t even notice it.
If you have some reservations about the dressing or hairdo, of course you can say it. I don’t encourage dishonesty in the name of cherishing. If she knows that you tell her she looks great even when she doesn’t, your compliments will loose value to her with time. You must be able to graciously communicate reservations. “You look great baby; only that I feel that blouse can be more fitted. I’m sure the tailor will be able to help us adjust it.” The day you don’t have reservations at all, she’ll really be excited that she has pleased you hundred percent.
You must have the capacity of flattering your wife constantly, affirming her beauty, affirming her indispensability in your life. Open your mouth brother, let those words of affection flow. Even when she has offended you, there are still things you can compliment about her just to keep keeping your Likewise.
You see there’s only one place where exaggeration is righteous; it’s in marriage. Ask my wife she’ll tell you. As long as what you’re saying is not too off the reality, even if you exagerate a little, she’ll believe you. Then it’s also righteous to be vulgar with your wife. So compliment freely her body parts. Magnify her beauty in your mind first, then in your mouth. Be generous with your words.
I like telling my wife that her face is the strength of her beauty and I can’t get enough of it. That her lips are perpetually inviting; so succulent in the mouth. Then I’ll tell her that her bum is so big and smooth. That it’s as big as mortal (on’idi odo?). That it constantly drives me crazy. That’s me exagerating what I have isn’t it?? You’ll see her blushing as she hears this.
Stop looking at other people’s wives and wishing your wife possesses some qualities they posess. Why didn’t you marry those people? Face your own portion and love it. There are things in your woman that those other people also don’t possess. That her breast is good enough for you. Don’t look for a bigger or smaller size. That’s your own portion. Face your portion. Love it, enjoy it, relish its peculiarity and grace.
Most women have some body parts that bring them some insecurity. As a man, take those body parts into your heart and love them. Those are the ones you should compliment with words even more. Think of the advantages of those so called imperfections and harp on those advantages.
For instance, tell her you love her big tummy as it is. It provides you a succulent pillow to rest your head when you’re tired. If it is too flat, you would have missed out on such a precious and much needed pillow which ministers comfort. Anytime she undresses, draw that tummy close to you and kiss it.
This is perhaps the reason many couples are ashamed of being even physically naked with each other. That’s perhaps why they want the light off during sex. Your partner will be ashamed of some of the body parts s/he thinks aren’t cute enough if you haven’t shown with your words that you love those parts and you celebrate them as they are.
We have never had the light off during lovemaking. Not once. We actually love it on and bright so that we can enjoy the sight itself. And sometimes we are in the house for a whole day and everyone is walking around and doing everything without a single piece of clothing on. It’s so beautiful I tell you. It’s not because we don’t have our insecurities, it’s because they do not exist between the two of us. We celebrate each other’s body between ourselves.
Towards the outside world, it’s Ok to decide on dressing in a way that conceals or tones down on our body imperfections. But between the two of you in the privacy of your home, you must cherish every part of each other’s body with words.
When making love, it’s a pity that most couples don’t talk to each other. That’s the time to do even this cherising the more. As a man who has the greatest command to cherish, you must not make love in silence. You must be talking all through. You must be saying sweet words to your wife. Those words alone are able to dispel her dryness. Tell her her “well” is like honey. You can never get tired of tasting its sweetness again and again. Its juice is like sugar in your mouth.
The woman should talk too. Sincerely, men love to be cherished with words also, especially in this department. It therefore must never be a one way traffic. The woman must keep talking too during lovemaking. Tell him he turns you on. Just a thought about his “rod” makes you wet. That you will chop this rod till death and that you’re not planning to share it with anyone since God gave it to you and you alone. “My boo, you’re the best decision I made outside accepting the love of Jesus.”
The moment he hears that, he’ll need to control himself from ejaculating prematurely. Those words are that powerful in the excitement they minister. Wives, those are the things to say during lovemaking; not using that opportunity of his captivation to be discussing problems and needs. Such a turn-off and libido killer! Makes you so indiscretional and such a boring sex partner.
Finally, it’s not only your wife’s physical qualities that must be cherised. Cherish her character. Whenever she acts right, don’t keep quiet about it. It’s not just the bad ones you should talk about. Whenever she behaves like Jesus as we’ve been teaching, talk about it. “Sweetheart, I noticed the way you disagreed with me respectfully in the morning. That isn’t the way you used to be. I really appreciate the new you that I’m seeing.”
That brings me to the end of my message to you on the four ways to love your wife as Christ loved the Church.
– By giving yourself for her which talks about total sacrifice of yourself for her prosperity
– By sanctifying and cleansing her so her life and character will be without spot or wrinkle.
– By nourishing her body, soul and spirit.
– By cherising her whole being with words.
May you succeed in this task. The task of being like Jesus. LIKEWISE!
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org