My dear Priscilla, indeed there are two ‘Yeses’ in every journey to marriage for a Christian. The first yes is a yes to Courtship with marriage in view. Note that Christians are not supposed to waste their time in any relationship that is not clear as having marriage in view from the outset. “Ehn, let’s just first explore friendship with benefits and then we’ll see how it goes later.” Capital No!
We Christians don’t date. We have Courtship. The difference between the two is that dating involves intimacy without commitment. But Courtship is commitment-ridden. Before the man ever approaches the lady at all, he has taken his time to pray through and to watch-through until a point where he has a reasonable level of conviction from God and “his watching” that he and the sister likely have a journey of life to take together. Please daughter of Zion, don’t waste your time dating. It only usually derails you into sin without you getting what you want at the end of the day still. What you really want is love and commitment.
The second Yes is the one you give at the end of a successful Courtship. At this point, despite haven known this person in and out; being with them during high and low points; when the atmosphere is calm and when they are provoked etc; your conviction about spending the rest of your life with them remained the same. It even grew stronger considering the exemplary conduct they displayed all through. The synchronies of your visions and purposes also worked. You also successfully built a matured communication culture.
You also successfully developed a conflict resolution system which you’ve put to work effectively to a point you’re so much at peace that if you make your journey irreversible with this man or woman, you will have true joy and peace in marriage not because you’ll not quarrel but because you’re sure you always get to easily resolve your differences. Anyway, that’s when you’ll give the second Yes. “Priscilla, will you marry me?” And then you’re really excited to say YES!
But can I say to you that in the scheme of things, getting the first yes right is most critical; if not more critical than the second. See, there are people you should never be in a relationship with at all. They are children of the devil, toxic, abusive, manipulative opportunists. You don’t want to discover who they are by your personal experience. By then, they would have battered you so badly, you will carry the scar for the rest of your life.
Relationships hardly leave you the same! Long after they are over, the footprints, sometimes very negative and debilitating remain indelibly.
I want to therefore share with you wisdom on how to spot wrong men from afar – before they come close at all and how to firmly secure your space from their intrusion. And of course by the same wisdom, you’ll learn how to spot the right man so that you can hold such a man with your teeth.
Before you say yes; before you fall in love; before your heart is captured; you need to carefully pray, watch, investigate, background-check, ask pointed questions at unguarded moments; consider the answers; ignore nothing; carefully meditate; seek counsel; take your time. There’s no point rushing. This decision can make or mar you for life.
I’ll be back this time next week to lead you deeper into wisdom. Until then, remain on fire for God.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye