Can you try and imagine a courtroom situation where there are two lawyers arguing their cases without a Judge to moderate? It will be replete with anarchy. They will shout each other down to death.
In a normal courtroom where there is a Judge moderating, during a heated argument, the Judge sometimes have to order one of the lawyers to sit and allow the other to speak first. That’s when the two counsels stand at the same time wanting to make their points simultaneously.
Sometimes, one of the Counsels will raise a very irrelevant question or response to an argument. It will take a Judge who is the third party to tell him his argument is flawed and he is therefore overruled.
One of the greatest challenges of relationships and marriages generally is that it is a simulation of two lawyers in a courtroom without a Judge to moderate. The parties are the Counsels and Judge at the same time. And it is almost certain who you will likely award the judgement as a Judge in a case where you’re at the same time a counsel to one of the parties.
This is why every relationship needs some critical third parties. These third parties could be the mentors you have adopted. If you have no mentor over your relationship, you’re in serious trouble. When the two lawyers refuse to allow the other to speak, who will order one of them to keep quiet?
There are things that you will tell your partner that they will never accept until they hear the same thing from a respected third party. Then they begin to shake their heads. You have always said the same thing all the while but they didn’t accept it because they felt since you have a vested interest, your advice may be motivated by your own personal interest. Now if someone who doesn’t have a vested interest shares the same opinion, they become persuaded that you’ve been altruistic about the position all the while.
Everyone of us needs this third party contribution in our relationship. And I am not saying it should be any third party. Following the opinion of any third party can introduce ungodly influence into our relationship that will send it off balance. You have to carefully decide on the sources of third party influence you want to receive in your relationship.
Such godly third party influence can come from attending a couples’ (or an intending Couples’) retreat together with your partner, it can come from the preachers you’ve agreed to both learn from, it can come from interaction with matured godly siblings who have successful relationships.
I particularly like participating in couples retreat and intending couples’ retreat or refresher courses. The benefit of such is the fact you will meet other couples and listen to them.
Your wife who is struggling with submission for instance may see another young woman who is even more accomplished than she is come forward to share practical examples of how God has been helping her to submit to her husband’s leadership. That testimony may likely make more positive impact on her than your hundred personal sermons on the same topic which she didn’t take seriously because she thought you’re simply trying to manipulate her.
As a man, at such platforms, you hear testimonies of huge sacrifices that your age-mates are making just to love their wives and you will be weak. The same issues your woman may have been raising that you didn’t take seriously.
I want to counsel everyone who wants to make a success of their relationship to constantly look for avenues to receive godly and trusted third party contributions into their marriages. It will help you get a lot of work done effortlessly.
The greatest third party that we must engage however is God. He called Himself the constant WITNESS between a man and his wife. Malachi 2:14. We must perfect the skill of dragging our partners to Him those times when we’ve come to the end of ourselves. He will command or where necessary, convince them for us and they’ll have no choice than to obey the Lord.
Please take this issue seriously. It will save you from a lot of relationship heartaches. Start by submitting your life and relationship to the oversight of a godly and matured someone as from this new week. Stop being a free-ranger.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org