The fear for most men who have been challenged to rise up to support their wives in domestic duties; to show understanding and step in to fix the food or any other domestic work when their wives are unable or refuse to rise up to the task, has always been, “won’t she in the process take me for granted?”
I want to therefore say to the woman who has read the episodes to this point; never take your husband for granted because he’s understanding and supportive. As a President you must show that you deserve the honour of that office.
In any Presidential system, when a President begins to display a penchant for dereliction of duty, he deserves to be impeached. As a competent President, Domestic Affairs therefore, you must be up and doing. You must never be a lazy woman. It mustn’t be all the time that you’re failing to discharge the duties of your office and needing your husband to step in. I’m certain that as long as you prove yourself diligent, your husband will not be worried anytime he has to step in, knowing that you genuinely couldn’t do it or couldn’t do it alone.
Secondly, the fact that we have charged the men to be properly domesticated is not a reason to drag your husband into every detail of domestic affairs even when they are things you can singlehandedly handle. Your presence in his life ought to really free up extra time for him to pursue God’s assignment over his life more effectively – His assignment for your marriage concerning which your husband is lead-executor. What then is the use of your presence in his life if despite your presence, he has no extra time for productivity?
I know wives who will always wake their husbands up in the morning to join them in the kitchen, not because they can’t get the job done, but because they feel cheated that they have to do all the work alone. That’s a very wrong attitude which betrays a lack of understanding of those wives as to the role of helper which God has sent them to play in the lives of their husbands. If you can get it done, why do you need to wake him? Such kind of extreme attitude can make the man totally shut down his commitment to any domestic support to his wife forthwith because he feels disrespected.
My wife would wake up every morning as early as 4:30am and move to the kitchen. She would cook for both of us before going to work. Sometimes, I’ll sleep all through the period. Sometimes, I’m praying all through the period. There has not been a single occasion in the last one year when she asked me to join her in the kitchen early in the morning. And she has never complained for once that I slept all through the period she had to sweat it out with the plates and gas cookers. She obviously understands her God-ordained role in my life.
The only times I’ve had to join her in the morning are those occasions when we had visitors and there was a need to cook for them before we go out early in the morning. I’ll usually join her so that things can be fixed very fast. And even for that, she would never be the one to say, “you must join me tomorrow morning.” She would only give me a hint of how challenging it would be to get the work done in good time the following morning, and then she allows me to decide to step in by myself.
That takes me to the next very important point. A man doesn’t respond well to being instructed by his wife. It makes him feel like he’s losing his leadership position. And so, anytime you need his intervention, make your request indirect. My wife is very good with this. She would just tell me the enormity of work she has to do and not say more. I would have gotten the message. I’ll be the one to say, “Ok, I’ll join you to fix this and that.” A man likes to feel that he’s the one who made the decision himself to step in.
The day I went to the market to shop, you know she never said, “sweetheart, help me go to the market to buy so and so.” She simply told me there was no food in the house and she was really so tired to go to the market. She also didn’t say it with braggadocio. She said it with the humility of a wife who wanted to be pampered. I already got the message.
On other occasions when she wishes I could assist in grating the pepper while she attends to other things in the kitchen, she would have put the pepper in a bowl of water, with the grater and an empty bowl for me to grate it into. And then she’ll bring it and set it before me while I watch my favourite daily Political show. She’ll not say a word, she’ll just put the thing before me lovingly while she chats with me about the program I’m watching. That’s wisdom at work.
If you’ll make a direct request at all (and I admit there are times you may need to make a direct request because your man is not getting your non-verbal communication), please make the request courteously and respectfully.
“Sweetheart, I would appreciate if you can assist in doing this or that.” That’s the way to do it. If you make the request in a wrong way, with a wrong tone, or a hostile facial expression, you may not get a friendly response.
I hope this is very clear sisters in Christ?
If you assure that it’s clear, then that brings me to the end of my snippet of wisdom for you regarding achieving marital peace in the aspect of food matters and other domestic duties. Bind all the instructions in your heart and they’ll deliver you peace – the peace and joy that you’ve always longed to see in your matrimony.
As from Tuesday, I’ll begin to talk about another aspect of marriage that often leads to quarrels and marital disharmony – the aspect of conjugal sex. What counsel do we have for those couples who are coming behind us regarding how they should approach this aspect of their marital life as to avoid quarrels and disharmony? How can they have a fulfilling sexual relationship begining from their first year in marriage? We have a few pieces of wisdom to share. Stay tuned.
Your brother,
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| hello@lovestraighttalks.com
#resettingtheodds
#raisingchristlikecouples
#makingyourmarriageacenterofrevival
#lovestraighttalks
