You will remember a few weeks ago that we started talking about how you can grow with your partner to become soul mates. We addressed the need for like-mindedness and how to achieve it. Today there is another critical issue, the matter of having the same love.
First, I think I want to note with you that the secret of growing to become soulmate with your partner is an ancient secret. And it’s exciting to me to realise that nothing has really changed about the dynamics of human relationships two thousands years after. We found the principle in the writing of Brother Paul (an apostle of Jesus Christ) to the Philippians in Chapter 2 of that epistle and verses 1&2, a letter written about a thousand nine hundred and fifty six years ago.
“If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be *likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.”*
Having the same love is not the same as loving one another. This relates to objects of love and admiration that each of you has developed over time. A love object can be a project, a place, a personality (a popular athlete or preacher or other public figures), a sport, an ideological movement, a vision, an hobby, a business etc. It is something your partner has invested a lot of affection into. Something s/he’s very crazy about. There are love objects that are not so deep (bonding around these ones are optional), but there are some that are so deep you yourself know from observing your partner.
The simple wisdom is align yourself with those objects of love and earn yourself free love and admiration. This guy’s soul is already invested in this thing many years before you ever met. Align and he will love you with the same passion with which he loves the object. Vice versa. If you ignore this alignment, your bonding will be weak. Worse still, if you attack the object, you may have inadvertently touched something more rooted in her than you yourself. (Bro, don’t have an exaggerated sense of your importance). She becomes very defensive and may begin to hate you.
Because she’s given to this object, she wants someone that can come with her into it, someone she can gist with about it, someone they can bond together around the object. That person ought to be you but because you don’t care- you think it’s ladies’ stuff, the day she meets someone (even if a male) that is given to this object, they become friends immediately in a deeply soulish way, their communion deepens with time. This was how several extra marital affairs began. It wasn’t first a desire for sexual escapade but a thirst for deep communion. One thing leads to another and then sex comes in. And by the way, sex is sweeter with someone you’ve bonded with in your soul. Someone you share a deep communion with. It is a lot mechanical otherwise! Ask married couples who have left the honeymoon stage if you doubt me.
If you share contradictory love objects, this needs to be resolved before marriage really. The courtship period ought to be the period where you both woo one another into your love objects. One way you can get your partner into your own love object is to get into theirs. None should look first on his own things but on the things of the other. Overtime, one person may be captivated by the other’s object so that they both unite around his or her own object. In another instance, they could over time find themselves dropping old different objects and uniting around an entirely new one. Whatever the case, all I hear our elder Brother Paul screaming is, HAVE THE SAME LOVE.
For Christians, it should be more and more easy for us to have the same love because the Bible already enjoined us to set our affection (our love) on things above- heavenly, eternal things. That should be our greatest love object: the kingdom of God and our own portion of assignment in the overall task of establishing it. Next after this should be our partners and then other objects can follow in that order.
I have once told you that a marriage is sustained through friendship and a sense of responsibility. A mentor told me too. This is the friendship part- Having the Same Love. This is what will make staying away from home unattractive to your husband or wife. What will make you two want to ALWAYS be together- Having the same mind (which we treated two weeks ago and last week) and then now, having the same love. Work on this two areas.
I want you to immediately swing into your thought realm and think, what are his love objects, what are her love objects? If you aren’t too sure, pick up your phone and ask afresh, what are your love objects? I just sent this to Iyebiye. My plan is to ALIGN with those objects and gain for myself loads of love free of charge. I wish to become her soulmate first and then she may become mine. Remember love is never selfish. You must always put the interest of your partner above yours. If you want something from your partner, give that thing first and then you’ll get it in return. That’s the rule. I hope that makes sense?
Your brother, PEA.
For a related talk, search for FALSE IMPRESSION on the home page.
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org