My dear Priscilla, after I read your mail I felt pretty much that this was going to be a very easy decision for you to make considering the facts staring you in the face about this young man.
But within a few years of being a relationship counsellor, I have come to realize that when it comes to love affairs, common sense is usually not common. Under the blindfold of love, people can sometimes embark on a gruesome journey of self annihilation despite glaring facts, as though they are under a spell. And so for that reason, I decided to respond seriously to your mail.
In your own mail, you described this man as very controlling. You must submit to a long call with him whenever he calls whether you’re busy or not. You must account each day for the exact time you stepped out and came in; I believe also everyone that called you and you called and the exact content of the discussion.
It will appear to me as though this man has some serious trust issues not necessarily as a result of any history he has shared with you but as a result of his own personality. He’s simply projecting himself on you. Some people can’t trust others because they assume everyone is like them.
He wants to know how you spend every penny on you eventhough he is very stingy with his money – not as if he plans to augment after giving him the required account; and he ensures you spend all the money on you whenever you’re around him for even a day. That’s even difficult for me to understand. What could be his motive for that? Could that be to strip you of any power and make you dependent on him for the rest of the month so that he can control you as he likes? This man then comes across as very manipulative.
“He is a very vulgar being. He talks carelessly, very filthy and rubbish utterances come out of his vocal cord eventhough he knows I hate vulgarity.” These were your exact words. I can easily pick deep anger and contempt in your choice of words in describing this man.
He shouts at you as a culture, whether on phone or in his presence. For short he’s short tempered. He doesn’t have the grace of tolerance and accomodation or the ability to absorb hurts. If things are not done his way or perfectly, all hell is let loose.
Intolerant men are usually a terror to their wives to a point sometimes where the woman loses all confidence and self esteem. With his abusive words, he recreates a self-image for his wife contrary to the good she has always believed about herself. I have seen women who otherwise had great promise come down with stubborn psycological problems under such very emotionally abusive atmosphere.
God is slow to anger and abundant in mercy but this guy is the exact opposite. He’s quick to anger and destitute of mercy. Even long after you’ve apologized, he will continue to flog the issue. Anyone who projects this kind of character has the same spirit working in him as that in a witch. Witches are very difficult to entreat. And “sorry” doesn’t mean much to them. Until they get their own pound of flesh, they are never appeased.
Anytime you’re around him he wants sex, contrary to your own values which you always made clear to him. But because you won’t give in, on one occasion he decided to rape you. You escaped by the whiskers. So clearly, you’re in an unequal yoking and the scripture admonished that we should never be unequally yoked with unbelievers, sons of belial, children of darkness!!!
As long as he’s not born again, the denominational concern you expressed in your mail already goes to no issue. You’re never going to marry this kind of man. So don’t worry about whether you can cope with the doctrines of his church. This man is a child of the devil, if you marry him you will regret it all your life.
He’s a bundle of negativities. A single man is controlling, manipulative, short tempered, emotionally abusive and a rapist! And he’s disturbing you about meeting your parents and finalizing plans? Which stupid plan? Don’t try it. In short, I strongly advice you cut off from him immediately before he messes up your mind and turns you into a psychiatric patient.
I really feel sorry about the travails you’ve had with relationships in thirty one solid years of your life. I write this with tears in my eyes. It just seems you’ve never been lucky with good men. One of your exes had also tried to rape you before now. When he couldn’t succeed, he ejaculated and forced his semen into your vagina. You had to rush to a doctor for emergency contraceptive.
But don’t worry sweetheart. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. The Lord will comfort you and bring you into a restful place. You just ensure that you yourself you’re not following him halfheartedly. Yield yourself totally to him. And then raise a prayer altar. He will soon give us a testimony.
I will share my direct line with you so that we can be more useful in standing with you and praying with you through this trying moment – until God brings us one of His tested sons. But don’t worry, He will do it. You will marry shortly, and it will be to a man after God’s heart. Much love dear.
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org