My dear Priscilla, I was very touched when I read your mail again this morning. I read it before and I believe I provided some help but it made a whole lot of difference when I read again this morning. A special compassion took over my whole being. I was to start a fresh series today but I’m putting that aside so as to address you because I just want you to be fine.
It happened that one of your sisters also sent me a mail around the same time. She’s 27 in her case. She has a similar issue with yours. She’s also wondering if she’s asking for too much to desire a man that is spirit-filled and tongue talking as a husband. She has waited and waited. All the men who have been coming around just don’t meet this condition.
When she would have thought that she has finally met a godly man- a brother in Church who is tongue talking and appears spiritual, before long to her greatest chagrin, the brother is asking for sex; tongues notwithstanding. She has left several “promising” relationships on account of this. She doesn’t just want empty tongue talking but a man who is truly godly, who loves righteousness and hates wickedness.
The dilemma is everyone around her thinks she’s being too unrealistic. Her parents inclusive. Though they also are Christians, they think she’s taking things too extreme. I mean, where will you find such a man in our time who won’t want to have a foretaste. A lot of time has passed, a truly godly brother is not forthcoming. She’s now wondering if her expectations are unrealistic; if she should just manage one of these manageable ones.
There’s an advantage in marrying a Spirit-controlled man. The advantage is control. Go and ask women who married men who are submitted nor listen to no man. They’ll tell you the hell of a marriage they go through. First, being Spirit-filled and Spirit-controlled presumes a maturing in the fruits of the Spirit. The greatest ingredient you need for a sweet and peaceful marriage is the fruit of the spirit in bountiful supply in the lives of you two, not just one of you. The love (unselfish concern for others), humility, patience, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. gentleness, and self control. The less of the fruit of the Spirit at work in your partner, the more challenges the marriage will experience.
So when you have a man who has grown in the fruits of the spirit (not just the gifts), you’re about to start experiencing heaven on earth. You will have lesser and lesser crisis. I’m sure you won’t want to jettison this for anything.
When a man who is Spirit-controlled goes on his knees in the morning to pray, he won’t be able to pray if he hasn’t yet apologised to his wife for the hurt of the previous night. All those keeping of malice for weeks between couples can’t work with Spirit filled couples who have active prayer lives.
Then, with a Spirit-controlled man, you won’t have to worry about the office girls or the possibility of a second wife or a child outside wedlock or even catching STIs through your husband. You’ll miss all the heartaches that come with distrust. You’ll have peace – the peace of a truly Christian home, the one that passes all understanding.
Perhaps most importantly, marrying a godly man can have eternal consequences. A man who is ungodly can turn your heart away from the Lord and corrupt your godly values. Make you turn your back on holiness. Solomon’s strange wives did this to him. Some people may spend their eternity in torment simply because their partners turned their hearts away from the Lord, lured and drowned them in unrighteousness throughout their lifetime. Your journey to heaven therefore is clearer when you’re hooked in marriage with a man who will spur you to live every hour with the consciousness of eternity.
Having this kind of man is worth the wait sweetheart. And maybe some extra wait. You’ve already waited and kept yourself for many years. You can’t blow it up at this last minute when you are almost there. It will be too much of a waste. Better wait till the end and be able to say in the end, “it was worth the wait.”
Now I understand you’re worried about your ticking years. But you’re just 25. I understand you wanted to marry at 25. But who says every woman must marry at 25. Run your own peculiar race while you keep your focus on God’s peculiar plan for you. Keep your eyes away from the clock and fix it on Jesus.
You wonder that some of your friends who never cared about sexual purity all these years have gotten lucky and hooked in relationships and marriages while you are there wondering why God has deserted you. While it is our wish that everyone will have a good marriage regardless of their past, I hope you don’t think they are lucky simply because they married a rich guy. Some of those marriages will still crumble to mistrust and the absence of the fruits of the spirit. Don’t be too quick to conclude they are lucky.
Scriptures specifically warn us not to envy the prosperity of the wicked (sinners), for they soon fade away and their end usually disastrous. (“What a slippery path they are on- suddenly God will send them sliding over the edge of the cliff and down to their destruction: an instant end to all their happiness. an eternity of terror. Read Psalm 73:3-20 LB). Instead, trust in the Lord, delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 36:1-4).
But while you wait on God, don’t be passive. True waiting is not passive. The first thing you need to do is to lay hold on God’s promise to you about your marriage if you have one already. If you don’t have any specific word of promise from God concerning it yet, search out one in the Bible that is relevant. Every portion of the Bible is addressed to you and is actionable in God’s court if you can engage it.
The reason why you need a word of promise to hang on to is that faith doesn’t operate in a vacuum. True faith is confidence in a specific promise of God that is clear to your mind. Furthermore, faith cannot operate without prayers. I mean active, fervent, heartfelt and continuous prayers. “When faith ceases to pray, it ceases to live.” (E.M. Bounds).
So you need two major instruments for true waiting that leads to your miracle: a word to hang on to for faith and active, heartfelt continuous prayers.
What the prayer is for is to engage God. This particular prayer I’m calling you unto is not the usual one where you’ll be begging God. I’m calling you to a prayer where you’ll actually challenge God with His promise and word. There are times God does things on His own without having to be moved to do it. But if you have a promise and God is tarrying in fulfilling His word, you need to go and engage Him to move Him to work. That’s what God means when He says severally in scriptures, “Call me to remembrance.”
Great intercessors like Abraham and Moses who were veterans in moving God’s hands to do the “impossible” used the strategy of “reverently irreverent” challenge to get God to reset severally. When Abraham was interceding for the deliverance of the righteous in Sodom, he told God something like, “That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” (Gen 18:25 KJV)
In other words Abraham told God, “I’m surprised Sir that you could have even planned to destroy the righteous with the wicked. I expected you to know that contradicts the principles of justice. Are we supposed to be teaching the Judge of the whole earth about justice?” Say this same words Abraham said to an African father and you’ll see the reaction. Abraham was indirectly questioning God’s intelligence. But God didn’t say, “That’s a big insult for you to talk to me that way.” He isn’t your African father. He loves to be challenged. He will do the impossible when there’s someone who will be bold to challenge Him.
So now go to God with His promise to challenge him. Tell Him, “how shall it be said that someone followed your word and principle and ended up a failure? Would you be proud Sir to associate yourself with such a testimony? If not, send me my man NOW. Challenge Him and you’ll see speedy results. He loves that kind of thing. If it is not yet His plan for you to be in a relationship, He’ll tell you as you engage Him and then you can rest until it is His time. But don’t assume.
Some of you who claim you’re waiting are only “wasting” because you’re just sitting down “waiting for God” when God actually is waiting for you. Now arise, and change your own story. Remember to share the testimony with me when it’s ripe.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org