There are mistakes that can easily be corrected in life. Like buying a shirt twice your real size. You have several options. You can return it and pick up another; you can slim-fit it. Worst case, you can give it out to someone who fits. But if you marry someone you weren’t supposed to marry, you’re trapped for life.
Even if you choose to divorce, it doesn’t reduce the severity of a wrong marital choice. Divorce is like a violent process of severing two objects that are glued together inseparably. There will still be tears. Violent tears. A portion of object A will be lost to Object B and vice versa. No one goes through divorce and remains intact.
And unfortunately, that you divorced someone doesn’t remove them from your life totally. If there is a child in the marriage for instance, that person is in your life forever on account of that child. That child is a permanent fusion of the two of you – itself, a permanent pictorial reminder of your partner and your wrong marital choice even though the child in his or herself is a blessing from the Lord and forever precious.
There are people that continue to enjoy media coverage for being the ex-wife of a celebrity long after the marriage had ended. This way, they are not really out of each other’s lives in a total sense seeing their names are still constantly paired together in the newspaper. On your death, people will still send a special condolence to your ex-wife or ex-husband and give them some media coverage.
Just saying divorce never totally removes anyone we’ve ever chosen to marry out of our lives no matter how toxic they are. Based on the aforesaid, I can assert without equivocation that marriage is a permanent fusion of your life with that of another person, the possibility of divorce notwithstanding.
It is this gravity of marriage and of a wrong marital choice that compels the need for sufficient test-run of the relationship between you and anyone before it will be wise to make it irreversible at the altar. This is why courtship is a very critical aspect of marriage and must be approached very seriously and soberly. And patiently!!!
Courtship isn’t a time to fritter away, just going from one pepper-soup joint to another. It’s not a time to have aimless discussions for hours on the phone. It’s not a time just to be admiring each other’s noses and curves and touching and smooching. That’s putting the cart before the horse. It’s a time for marriage!!! The real marriage of the two lives!
Mind you, “marriage” is an English word which means to fuse two things to become one or to reconcile two opposing ideas. For two people to be truly married therefore, every aspect of their spirit and soul and life in general must have been successfully merged, fused and reconciled. It is when this happens that there’ll be perfect agreement, perfect friendship and ever-increasing affection between the couple.
Courtship therefore ought to be invested to pursue for a couple a solid foundation for the marriages of the deep impulses of their spirits; the marriage of their convictions; the marriage of their goals, aspirations and life assignments; the marriage of their thought patterns and mindsets; the marriage of their love objects and passions; the marriage of their wishes and aspirations; the marriage of their conflict resolution mechanisms; the marriage of their finances and financial philosophies; the marriage also of their families; and then finally the marriage of their bodies after the wedding as an outward symbol of the marriages that have taken place at the deeper levels of their spirit and soul.
While wedding happens on a single day, marrying ought to have started long before then and must continue long after that day. While it takes just a single day to wed, it takes several years of painstaking labour to marry every pieces of the two lives together. Only a fool will ignore the marriage process just to focus on the wedding. And a bigger fool s/he is who takes the risk of only planning the marriage after the wedding. What of if it doesn’t work out? Courtship provides a less debilitating atmosphere for escape if it is found that the two lives are not in any way marriable.
What we are saying in other words is that your courtship ought to demonstrate everything that constitutes a succesful marriage save in the aspect of conjugal sex which is not permitted in courtship. It’s only the sexual aspect that God says to wait till after the wedding. God hasn’t asked anyone to wait till after wedding before instilling in his relationship every other thing that successful married couples possess in their relationships that make them the envy of all eyes. This is the challenge. Marry before your wedding. Let your courtship show very clearly that you’ll have a very cordial, peaceful, and strong marriage in the coming days.
Brothers and sisters, every bliss you have desired that marriage will deliver to you is on the altar of this marrying we are talking about. The bliss of sex is often very obviously touted before our faces for instance but do you know that only couples who have deep and progressive agreement in their spirit and soul realms enjoy vibrant sex lives long after the excitement of the early seasons of marriage? Couples who quarrel more have sex less frequently. Is that not true?
Some marriages have even moved to a permanent fight mode and consequently the sex life has been permanently suspended. The parties can’t even imagine the humility of undressing before each other and lying down in submission anymore. Sex requires submission. It requires a surrender. No one surrenders to another he is in malice with. The oxygen of malice is pride!!!
Oga, whether you’re single or married, will you better focus on “marrying” rather than these endless fights and useless things you’re consuming your relationship on? Marrying will extinguish your quarrels and make you true soul mates. And some of you need to suspend the wedding plans you’ve concluded with someone you’ve not been able to marry for years!!! I’m just warning you to avoid disaster.
Since January 2020, we wrote every week about this marrying process. Every single aspect of marrying which I mentioned in paragraph 8 of this article has been treated. If you missed them, go and sit down with them. They are all on the page. We will now begin to talk of the remaining aspects of the marrying – marrying each other’s families and other sundry issues.
The coming weeks should be very exciting. Welcome on board.
For a similar talk, search for, “MAKING COURTSHIP COUNT” at www.lovestraighttalks.com.
Your brother,
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| hello@lovestraighttalks.com
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