I’m sure you have heard this scripture quoted several times, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” This short statement is the summary of all that it takes for a relationship to be a success. Agreement. Unity of mind, of purpose, of values, of love objects…
And what you’re agreeing on mustn’t even be the truth or a correct doctrine or a laudable value. Even if what you’re believing is a lie, as long as both of you both believe in the lie and are both passionate about it, you’ll have a successful relationship. There won’t be fights. You will actually be fond of yourselves. Funny isn’t it?
Your values are the fundamental ideologies that shape your outlook on life, your philosophy of life and ultimately your life. They determine what you prioritise and what you trivialise. Being in a relationship with someone together with whom you share similar values is critical or else you can’t walk together.
Say for example, you’re a strong fan of Jesus to the point you made up your mind your premarital life will be sexually pure. Means you value premarital sexual purity. You can’t date someone who doesn’t. The moment you do, you have contradicted yourself. It is most difficult for you to stay sexually pure in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in it. Even two people who are agreed on the issue have had to strive very hard to keep their decision.
The question is what are you doing in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share your values? Can two work together except they be agreed?
It has appalled me severally seeing many of our brethren who I had considered firebrands, only for them to enter a relationship with some half-baked Christians or pure liberals who do church but don’t have changed lives, who have not adopted the government of the word of God over their lives. When you ask them if they are dating a child of God, they’ll say yes, only that often their idea of who a child of God is, is confused. Many of you reading this are experiencing the same confusion.
Let me tell you how to know a child of God. Maybe you can find out if you’re truly one yourself.
“In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.
1 John 3:10 KJV.
Notice that the bible says, in THIS (Singular “this”). Means what to look for in the diagnosis of the “child-of-God status” of someone isn’t many things. Just one thing. Many of us consider stuffs like, “he attends a good church”, “he’s committed in church”, “he is caring and nice”, “he is the head of the ushering department”, “he is the child of Bishop this and that.” God is saying no, not all those stuffs. There is just one matter to consider; what is his posture on the doing of righteousness? Does he love righteousness? Does he practice righteousness as a daily life?
I once had to counsel a young lady who was responding to the word of God. At this time she was in a progressively impure relationship. You know what I mean. And so I was counseling her on the need to first disengage from the relationship if she will regain her walk with God. And so I asked, is this guy a child of God? She said yes. I asked why she thinks so. She told me about his devotion in church and all of that. I asked her a simple question, “anytime the two of you are done fornicating, what is his reaction? Does he break down in tears?” She told me he just flippanlty says, “she should not worry, they won’t do it again”. I told her point blank, “this guy is not a child of God.” Of course they always did it again.
Whenever a child of God falls into sin, he is sad, he is remorseful, he breaks down, even if all he did was to exaggerate a figure. And then you see him wanting to quickly reconcile with God. He doesn’t stay and linger in the fault. He deals with it immediately with an automatic inner vow never to put himself in that situation of compromise again. This is because sin is no longer his nature. (1 John 3:9). He finds it discomfiting. He finds it shameful.
Think about a sheep and a pig. A pig can sleep conveniently inside muddy, smelling water. It’s nothing to it. But if a sheep mistakenly deeps its leg, it comes out immediately and begins to vigorously shake off the filth from its body. It’s a question of nature. Shows you a sheep is inconvenient in muddy smelling water because of its nature but that’s the natural habitat of a pig. I don’t know if you’re a sheep or a pig when it comes to the subject of sin.
When you see a “christian” who is convenient in sin, who commits sin without remorse and who loves to continue in sin, he is a not a child of God. Don’t be confused, he is not. That just shows you that the nature he still carries is the nature of sin. Every genuine child of God has experienced a circumcission that severed off that nature.
“When you came to Christ, you were “circumcised,” but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcission- the cutting away of your sinful nature. (Collossians 2:11 NLT).
I believe the above scripture is clear enough.
If you’re still sinful, maybe yours has not been cut away. You will need to revisit the cross where men’s sinful nature are cut away. You yourself must first be a child of God to be able to recognise one for a relationship and to qualify to marry one. And you know there are great benefits in marrying a child of God. I know as a woman for example, you want fidelity, someone who will be faithful to you. Women are territorial by nature. They don’t want infringements. You also want a man that is humble, who won’t trample on you, who will give you space to express yourself, who will accept his wrong whenever he is wrong and apologise, who will apologise again if he’s wrong again- you don’t like those egoistic tendencies associated with men. Let me tell you plainly, all these things you want can only be guaranteed if you marry a child of God. It takes more than discipline for instance to remain faithful to just one woman for thirty years. Show me thirty men who have never had extra marital affairs in thirty years of their marriage. Only supernatural strength can make this possible. Men by nature have polygamous tendencies. They can love multiple women contemporaneously. It’s the way their mind is structured. I won’t go into that today. Women can genuinely not. The strucute of their own mind is incompatible with multiple simultaneous devotions. Even the bible exclaimed, “a faithful man who can find?” (Prov 20:6).
Marrying a true child of God, who is growing spiritually, who is responsive to teaching, and has clear mentors who mould his life is perhaps the most important insurance you can put in place for a successful marriage. You need to be that also so that by dating a child of God you’ll be dating your type.
This brings us to the end of the series, “a fighting chance”. Maybe you should look over the previous editions in the last three weeks. I wish you can remove from your life everything that reduces your fighting chance. I want to attend your wedding and you’re telling me, Brother, I fought through- my marriage bed was undefiled. Ok, see you on your wedding day.