MY BATTLE WITH PORNOGRAPHY AND MASTURBATION: CHAPTER THREE: A FALLEN LIFE

“Lara, my sweetheart was an agent strategically placed by the devil in my life to ensure that I was perpetually in the trap of his hands. In a bid to satisfy her, I fell deeper into pornography. I would pick one of my cloths, put it in between my legs to watch pornography. I did this to avoid semen splashing all over the carpet and drawing the attention of my roommate in the morning.”

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There is great joy in heaven over one repentant sinner and I believe there is even greater joy in hell over one soul that finally falls into the trap of the devil.

You must understand that you are important to God and His purpose and even the devil knows that. No wonder the struggles and temptation that you confront everyday. Do you know what the devil is doing to every young person including you? He is doing exactly what Jacob did in Genesis 30:37-41. Jacob peeled the white strips on the almond and chestnut trees and exposed the white to the animals. Everywhere the animals turned, they saw the white of the peeled rods and eventually they started reproducing speckled, streaked and spotted youngs. The devil is placing before you things that will make you reproduce against the master’s desire. No wonder every musical and video content is filled with erotic and pervasive displays. The devil knows that you will naturally reproduce what you are exposed to. That’s why you must be careful.

Mine was a story of a very great crash because I was ignorant of the scheme and the devices of the enemy.

It was a hot Sunday as I laid on my bed and surfed the internet. My favorite websites were blog sites- naijapals.com and naijaloaded.com.

I was an ardent lover of especially naijaloaded.com and I could spend up to 2 hours scrolling through the news contents. I had become so attached to the stories on that site. As I laid down, and read through the stories, my attention shifted to a story on the site of people who engaged in office group sex. Because the devil has done some damaging job on my heart, it took little struggle to click on the “read more” option and it took me to another website which was an adult site strictly for sexual and erotic stories.

Just like a charmed fellow or a lamb to the slaughter who could not muster any resistance, I read from one erotic story to the other. It was not too long before I got an SMS that my data had just been exhausted.

“Where are you going to? They are about bringing in your food.” Mum said when she noticed I was on my way out.
“I just want to get something and soon be back”
“Can’t it wait after you’re done with your lunch?”
“I will be right back. Let them cover the food.”

I had only read erotic sexual stories for less than 15-minutes but my mind has already been fed enough to demand for more. Whatever product of the devil you oblige yourself of will take you deeper than you wanted, further than you intended to go and will ultimately cost you more than you wanted paying .

As the days came and passed, I had become so heavily addicted to the hardcore pornographic stories on the pornographic site and I had began wasting more and more money on data subscription. With reading this pornographic and sexual stories came masturbation and wrong thoughts and imaginations. The truth is that, sexual contents and texts gain easy and deeper roots in our conscience and mind compared to contents of no sexual attachment. One remembers more and easily a sexual content and text than a very decent comedy skit or book read.

One day, while reading the erotic stories for less than 2 hours, a voice whispered to my conscience:

“why not check out the real pictures and better still the videos.” I had been consuming loads of sexual stories and masturbating but had never watched a pornographic movie but today, the voice, was persistent and more forceful.

“You will soon be getting a girlfriend so why not watch and learn how to do it.”

I was naive and ignorant. I never knew that you never have to watch pornography to be sexually active. I fought for a while and finally gave in to the suggestion of the voice. I searched Google and instantly there were flood and streams of different pornographic videos to choose from. I suddenly checked and played one and it began the journey to the lonely island of pornographic addiction and even more masturbation.

…………. I had started dating towards the end of 2nd semester 200 level. Lara (not real name) was a sweet lady who had fallen in love with me when she learnt that I was topping the class in CGPA. She had been coming to me ever since then and so when I finally opened up to her it took her no time to say “yes” to my request.

Lara was everything a guy could want in a lady except that she was wild and not born again. She never saw anything wrong with a little of God and a little of the world joined together. I remember that we could have arguments over her refusal to attend Sunday services. I was deep into pornography and masturbation but my love for the church or the things of God never waned. The devil is not necessarily concerned about your work for God, he’s only concerned about your walk with God. I could consume loads of pornographic content everyday but it does not affect my love for the church or the activities of the church.

Lara, my sweetheart was an agent strategically placed by the devil in my life to ensure that I was perpetually in the trap of his hands. In a bid to satisfy her, I fell deeper into pornography. I would pick one of my cloths, put it in between my legs to watch pornography. I did this to avoid semen splashing all over the carpet and drawing the attention of my roommate in the morning.

Lara was not helping me out either. I remember a day she came to visit me and brought a movie that contained explicit sexual scenes. By this time, my pathetic situation was making me have second thought about my life and thinking of how to quit but didn’t know how.

“Lara, I don’t like that movie. The sexual scenes are too much. (I shifted my eyes away from her phone).
“There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s for us to learn. Common what’s there?

Did I also mention that Lara was a determined one and when she sets her mind on a thing, she makes sure she gets it but here she was using it wrongly. Whatever you think is a weakness in you that the devil has used to keep you in bondage was actually a thing God put in there for himself but the devil has taken advantage of it and exploited it for your downfall. It is therefore left for you to realize it and walk with God to maximize what you actually thinks is a weakness for God.

“Baby but I don’t see what we are learning from pornography actually.”
“Common, baby I don’t like what you are saying. Are you saying that our sexuality is perfect?”

Lara was right. In fact she was merely stating an obvious fact indirectly in a question format. Since I had fallen into porno addiction, it had become extremely difficult to keep an erection. I had been so bothered about it and had turned to the use of performance enhancing drugs and even those did not in any way improve my sexuality. Viagra became my best friend and sometimes in order to avoid the embarrassment of been looked at awkwardly by the Pharmacist in our neighborhood I would trek miles to get the drugs. I had become so weak sexually that I tried all the drugs I could to keep an election and even almost used thramadol because the embarrassment was becoming unbearable and Lara was becoming impatient every day we had sex.

The devil never shows a man the bad aspect of any seeming “Gold” but the glittering side to attract and trap a soul forever. While in school, I had fallen so deep and hopelessly that I could not maintain an erection for 2 minutes and this had constantly frustrated Lara and myself.

Life can be a series of frustrated cycle when one lives without God but a beautiful experience when God becomes the centre of it. I have experienced it and can boldly say that you do not have to experiment with something that has the capacity to kill you. Do you know that the decision to enjoy life or not is all dependent on your decision to allow Christ be the centre of it or not. You may think you are enjoying life but enjoying life without God is like trying to operate an extremely dangerous machine without the user’s manual; you will eventually get yourself injured or even killed.

“There is a way that seemeth right to a man, but the end is the way of death” -proverbs 16:25

“My son give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your eyes;
For they are life to those who find them;
And health to all their flesh”. – Proverbs 4:20-22

The master’s manual is His words and his Spirit helps us understand His manual and also helps in the successful operation of the word.

“For it is God (through His spirit) who works in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” -Philippians 2:13.

You cannot navigate through life on your own and certainly you cannot overcome pornography and masturbation with your own strength. The crave and the urge for pornography, masturbation and fornication is inherent in the nature you inherited from your parents when you were born. Every man has that sinful nature in Him or her and there is nothing you can do on your own with your strength and ability about it. The only way that nature of sin can be broken is by and through the power of Jesus Christ.

For it is through one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more than those who receive abundant grace and the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the one, Jesus Christ. – Romans 5:17

But God, who is rich in mercy because of his great love with which He loved us even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) -Ephesians 2:4-5

The grace and power of Jesus is the the chain breaker and has the capacity to break you free from the shackles of sin- pornography, masturbation and fornication. You must know that, the primary reason for his coming is to deliver you from the grip of sin (John 10:10).

You will keep falling if you keep trying to overcome on your own. I failed many times and a change of environment won’t help you either. You need Jesus, you need his life, power and grace. When you accept him there is a spiritual surgery and exchange that takes place; your sinful nature is removed and a new nature – the nature of Christ is given to you- and grace is supplied to help you overcome. Why not go down on your kneels today and ask for his forgiveness and His friendship. He is waiting for you.

WATCH OUT FOR CHAPTER FOUR OF SIX NEXT SUNDAY: A SHATTERED LIFE.

Your brother,
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
(On behalf of the narrator, Joseph Ogbuh).

©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| hello@lovestraighttalks.com

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