Racial demarcations that have been set between people of different colours and tribes are merely artificial. The fact is that there are no essential differences between all human beings. Aside from slight differences as to colour of the skin, of the eyes or hair, both physiologically and tendenciously, all human beings are the same.
There is no race or tribe where the eyes grow on the back of the head, or on the feet. The physical makeup of a man in Anambra of Nigeria is the same as that of the man in Jamaica. The Jamaican man doesn’t have three testicles but two as any man anywhere in the world.
If a white man goes to the toilet to excrete, his faeces will smell as much as that of the black woman in Oshogbo of Nigeria. The internal organs of men on one hand and women on the other are the same all over the world regardless of race or tribe. I don’t know of any tribe where their women do not menstruate or where they menstruate through the mouth.
The biological process of procreation is the same for all humans and if an Ibadan man sleeps with a woman from America, she will conceive just so that you know that the white woman’s egg doesn’t discriminate against the black man’s spermatozoa. They know themselves closely. There is essentially no difference between them both.
Then consider the human nature. Do you know that the human nature is the same among all humans across tribes and tongues? The attributes of joy, anger, malice (when someone offends us), resentment, difficulty in accepting blame, envy and jealousy (when we see an equal doing better than us), greed, selfishness etc have no tribal or racial boundaries. They manifest in Africans, Asians, Americans and other humans you can think of because they were passed down to all of us through a single source – Adam.
If there’s therefore no difference essentially between white people and black people physiologically and in the expression of their human nature, it is unthinkable that co-blacks like Igbos and Yorubas, or Kanuri and Tangale will imagine that they are different from one another and discriminate against one another.
If we may take the argument further; is there any tribe whose people are intrinsically good or one whose people are intrinsically bad? The answer to the question is that all tribes are bad. Everyone whose life is being ruled by the Flesh (the Adamic nature, the sinful nature, the human nature) is bad, evil, inconsiderate, quarrelsome, malicious, selfish and unsuitable as a marriage partner regardless of where they come from.
Paul gave this very answer to the Jews who thought they were better than the Gentiles simply because they descended directly from Abraham. See what he said to them:
“What then? are we (Jews) better than they (Gentiles)? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin; as it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, There is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; There is none that doeth good, no, not one. Their throat is an open sepulchre; With their tongues they have used deceit; The poison of asps is under their lips: Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness: Their feet are swift to shed blood: Destruction and misery are in their ways: And the way of peace have they not known: There is no fear of God before their eyes…. FOR THEIR IS NO DIFFERENCE: for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God…”
Romans 3:9-18, 23 KJV
As you can see, all tribes are bad!!! The real troubler of marriage is not tribal difference, it is the adamic nature. And this nature is common to all humans. Until this nature is handed over consciously to Jesus for Him to apply His death to it, if you like, marry from your tribe, your marriage will have no peace. If you like, marry your younger sister, your problem will only increase. And the problem here is the Adamic nature.
You should have asked your parents who asked you not to marry from another tribe whether all those violent marriages in your vicinity aren’t between people who are both from your community. So why are they breaking bottles on each other’s head? Because they don’t speak the same language? No. It’s because they are still under the rulership of the flesh. That’s the real problem and until we face that problem, we’ll only be begging the question.
So the real question if you want to have a successful marriage is not what tribe is this person from? It is, “is this person still under the rulership of the flesh or not?” “Has s/he truly become a new creation? Tribal similarity on its own alone provides no basis for marital success.
God’s goal for everyone that comes into Christ is to start growing immediately towards becoming like Jesus in everything. If that’s not the goal they are pursuing in your Church, you need a new church.
If I am Yoruba and I marry a Kanuri and we are both actively pursuing conformity to the image of Christ, within a short time, I will no longer behave like a Yoruba man but as a Christ-man. Whatever attributes are common to the Kanuris will lose expression with my Kanuri wife too because it is Christ she’s conforming to now and it is the Bible’s teachings that are shaping her mindset, worldview and character. It then means our behavior, thought processes, values will become similar over time because we both now belong to a new tribe – Christianity.
It is based on the fact above that I can tell you without equivocation that you can marry anyone from any tribe and have a successful marriage; as long as they are a new creation like you, Christ will be the life that both of you will display in your marriage.
If anyone’s marriage to someone from another tribe fails, it is not the tribal orientation that made it fail, let no one deceive you; the culprit is the flesh – that stubborn old man that governs the lives of the couple that will not allow them love and submit to one another. Investigate it and this is what you’ll find.
For two new creations coming together from different tribes, issues of differences in food type, way of dressing and the likes are very little issues that both of you can adapt to each other about. Those are not the core issues that determine success or failure of a marriage.
If there is any cultural practice that is unbiblical, you already know that you cannot participate in it due to your new tribe. If there is an ancestral spirit or covenant that works with people from a particular place, you also know that the moment they come GENUINELY into Christ, they become delivered from the influence of those powers automatically. See Col 1:12-14; Col 2:13-15: 1 John 5:18-19.
Here is the summary. God’s recommendation for your life in marriage can be someone from another tribe. The person may not even be a Nigerian. 😄😄 Why do you think it must be a Nigerian? 😄 God’s verdict is that there is no difference between any of the human beings he created who unfortunately fell and all came short of His glory. None of them is righteous or good. In redemption, He also sees no difference between people. If you’re redeemed, you are a good marital proposition for another person that is redeemed and He can bring both of you together.
The big question is whether you’re truly a part of those who have been redeemed. Have you been redeemed from a life ruled by the flesh and the sinful nature? Are you genuinely born again with the evidence of a truly changed life? Do you have a genuine hunger to be transformed to the very image and character of Jesus in everything? Are you part of the new tribe? If not, you will not be a blessing to anyone in marriage no matter what name your tribe is called.
May the Lord brood on these words in your heart.
Peniela E. Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org