PEA: Dr., since we discussed the risk of sex addiction which affects men and women and the problems associated with libido mismatch several weeks ago, all the other likely consequences of premature sexual exposure affect the women only. So are there other risks associated with men outside possible addiction and libido mismatch?
Dr. Caleb: Men are at risk of STDs too. Men are at risk of infertility complicating STD as well. Also at risk of urethra stricture making urinating difficult later in life following STDs. And certainly men are at risk of Herpes and Hepatitis B which we already stated can be contacted through as little as kissing.
So STDs and other possible complications are not limited to women. Of course risk of STDs are less likely in men especially circumcised men. The simple explanation for that is that in intact penis (uncircumcised), the foreskin is not separated and it’s still closely attached to the penis at the glans. This leaves a pocket round the glans that is difficult to clean and microorganisms can hide in those crevices and replicate. This is not the case for circumcised men.
PEA: How can people who are already sexually active and addicted break the addiction?
Dr. Caleb: This is an uphill task. It will require a strong motivation and willpower. This is often difficult to do alone. Of course there are no strict medical guidelines on approach to this. The approach may include mere counselling and self reporting. It may in some cases require behavioural therapies. Simple behavioral therapies that lay people can employ may include the reward and punitive systems. Such individuals are encouraged to set goals such as duration of abstinence and are rewarded when they achieve their goals or punished when they fail to do so. This usually results in training their minds to dislike the act.
PEA: Ok. They usually had to get a third party to help them enforce the regimen?
Dr. Caleb: Yes usually. Humans may reward themselves easily for goals achieved but self discipline is what they lack that we are trying to get for them so we shouldn’t expect them to discipline themselves for wrongdoing.
PEA. Hmm, that’s very sound. There has to be a third party accountability system.
Dr. Caleb: Another easy method is the association of strongly negative experience/loss with the act. This usually functions as some level of control on their minds till they progressively gain strength to resist.
PEA: How can this association be done in practical terms?
Dr. Caleb: It could be an understanding of the consequences or risk of premarital sex. For instance if someone understands the spiritual implications of premarital sex alone, he/she will dread the act and this dread can be strong enough to support abstinence. Some people may require a real life experience of some individuals who suffered the negative consequences of premarital sex. Anytime the urge rises, such vivid memories rise with it and it can be suppressive. Some people have had negative experiences themselves.
I once treated a young sexually active lady for some STI and I needed to just tell her that she had 15% risk of ectopic pregnancy following that treatment. It becomes 33% if she requires a second treatment. That statement got her to abstain to this day 5years after. This is part of what the knowledge you’re putting out (which you titled, “Ten reasons why you should not have premarital sex.”) does.
It makes people aware of the consequences of their actions. If they have knowledge, some people will quit (of course not all). This method works only for the group of people that lack knowledge.
PEA: Waoooooh. This is so powerful. I’m glad my efforts with those articles can make a difference.
Dr. Caleb: By some complex scheming, during counselling opportunities, it may also be possible to attach specific negative events in their lives with sexual experiences such as job loss, retrogression in life etc. And this is real; we already noted that addiction hijacks people’s lives and makes it difficult for them to focus. And so job loss or general retrogression in life can be a direct effect of addiction. So to reinforce their decision, you just remind them of such negative events.
There are still other CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) techniques that may even be Spirit inspired.
PEA: Waoh, waoh. Thanks Dr.
Dr. Caleb: Group therapy may be of help. Gathering them in accountability/support groups. Doing challenge like “30days without sex”; and then progressively increasing the duration may be helpful but it may not be “christianly”.
PEA: Why isn’t this chritianly when it may ultimately help to break the addiction. We should better be realistic. Of course we don’t deny the availability of God’s power to uproot addiction at once. If anyone however wants to start with this while looking up to God for ultimate release of His power, I won’t stop the person. It’s still progress.
Dr. Caleb: Absolutely. In helping people with addictions it is important to note that there will be moments when they will be under intense pressures and that is when they need the most support. For women, such periods may be cyclical i.e following their monthly cycle – and strongest during their ovulation.
For men, such periods may come after some days of withdrawal and last for days to weeks. But once that stage of pressure is successfully managed once, the addiction cycle is broken.
PEA: Means breaking that pressure once is all it takes to break the cycle of addiction. One can just muster all his strength and all the grace in Christ Jesus to break it that once and then the victory comes which can be quickly consolidated upon?
Dr. Caleb: Yes, that is the strongest phase many people have difficulties breaking through and once that stage is done, the remaining journey is a lot easier. Yes, there will still be repeated waves of pressure but the effect will be progressively weaker as your victory in the previous one will strengthen your mind for the next one.
PEA: Before you go sir, I want you to comment on something. Joshua Harris in his book, “Boy Meets Girl” while commenting on the effect of shame and regret that could stem from premarital sexual indulgence stated as follows:
“(There are) women who, now married with children, could not have their husbands touch them or hold them in certain ways because it reminded them of drunken orgies they’d participated in in college or high school.”
I will want to know if you’re familiar with this and like to say a word or two on it.
Dr. Caleb: The more common end is women who have had all the lavish pleasure and come to become irritated by her husband’s naive approach to sex and sexuality and the irritation could be strong to the point of actual rejection of sexual interaction with her husband. I have seen this a couple of times.
The second which is less common is the one I think the writer is describing which are the women that have had wild orgies which they now greatly regret and any attempt at sexual encounters makes them feel very dirty as it brings memories of wasteful life. I have not met anyone in this category. But it is logically possible.
Helping people in this category will require reorientation which can be achieved by counselling.
PEA: Waoh, amazing. Thank you sir. We receive the grace to follow the guidelines above for everyone who is captured currently by sex addictions in Jesus name. Dr., we want to really say a big thank you to you for your time this several weeks of sharing deep things with us. God bless you sir.
Dr. Caleb: Thank you for the privilege to share on your platforms. I’m open to any questions or comments or consultation from any of your readers.
I think we can look at creating an addiction breaking support group from the responses to these conversations we’ve been having.
PEA: Waoh, thank you for that. I totally agree with it. I will create a WhatsApp group and add the link as a comment to this post. So please if you want to be a part of the addiction breaking support group, use the link to join the group. God is going to be breaking every addiction by His power and the support the community will provide. Amen.
Please don’t hesitate to join the group. We are here for you and we love everyone deeply. There is nothing to be ashamed about when you have an urgent need. People who are terminally ill are never ashamed to open up to the Doctor. After they get their healing, who cares what their past was about? Their health is theirs to enjoy. Please join with boldness if you need this. God bless you.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.