A man stands before the minister and the congregation of witnesses on his wedding day, and tells his wife, “I love you. I will cherish you for the rest of my life, until death do us part.” Two months pass and his wife asks, “Do you still love me?” He replies, a little surprised, “I told you that two months ago.” Two years pass and she asks, “Do you still love me?” And then the man seemingly frustrated says, “I told you that every day of the last two years and it still applies! I’ll let you know if I ever change my mind.”
This man certainly doesn’t yet know who a woman is and how she’s wired. A man wonders, “why is that so important to her?” “Why must we have to end every conversation with “Now, tell me sweet words” even when you’re not in the mood?” Why is a woman so concerned about her physical appearance while this doesn’t mean much to a man? Why does she take uncomplimentary comment about herself or someone she loves so personal?
Then I’m sure women will like to ask why the men are still able to focus on their other businesses in the face of trouble or crisis in some other aspects of their life e.g their relationship. So she calls him and says, “you mean you’ve been fine? You’ve been fine despite our ongoing quarrel… Here am I, I could not get myself to do anything throughout the day and here you are, able to focus on your work as if nothing is wrong… shows this relationship doesn’t mean much to you…” and then hell breaks lose. By the way, it is the way God structured the mind of a man as opposed to that of the woman that is responsible for the differences in response. No time to talk about this in details.
Last week we discussed being of one mind with your partner. But note that even after you have perfected oneness of spirit and mind in your relationship, as long as you’re male and she’s female, there is so much that will be different between you both permanently. Don’t ever struggle to turn your man into a woman or to turn your woman into a man. The plan of God is to make these differences to help us to achieve balance. A man for instance is said to approach decisions more logically while a woman more often than not approaches issues more from an emotional point of view. When you bring together logic (the male’s perspective) and the need to be sensitive to the feelings of others (the female’s perspective), you get a balanced decision.
A wise man understanding this will be humble and happy to accommodate the views of his partner on every issue and decision making without feeling threatened that she wants to take over from him knowing that it is for his good. It is God’s provision for his life. Refusing or shouting down that woman is shouting down the help of the Lord to His life. Same applies to women.
The bottom line is that every one of us needs to invest a great deal of time into studying the natural make-up of our opposite sex and then the specific make up of our own spouse in order to be able to dwell with them in understanding and agreement.
There are so many things that couples are fighting and fusing over today about their spouses but which unfortunately are things that can never change. If they know on time, some of his or her actions that get them so angry will be better interpreted and then they’re calm because they have knowledge of the man or woman before them.
In 1 Peter 3:7, the bible says: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them *according to knowledge*, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
I hope you can see the word of God? Dwell with him or her it says, ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE. Know who a woman is, know who a man is. Buy books by godly and respected authors on the subject, attend seminars on the subject. If there’s a course in your University called “Womanlology” or “Manology”, be the first to enroll. Then when you are done with this general knowledge, now go on your knees before the Lord and begin to ask him, “Father, reveal this my own woman to me.” Give me a revelation of this my own man.” I was told by a revered mentor and I believe him that it is only on your knees that you can really know your partner.
Whatever the case, get it settled in your heart that you can’t dwell with her joyfully if not ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE.
You know why this is so CRITICAL and why we should be ready to go extra miles to get this knowledge? This woman or man is the most important person in our lives and destinies. We need their agreement for every prayer request we are making to God if it will be honoured by heaven. If you ignore this matter in your relationship, you will be operating under closed heavens. I can as well welcome you immediately to a season of hindered prayers.
To start this journey of knowledge, I recommend you pick up:
1. Understanding the purpose and power of Woman By Dr. Myles Munroe.
2. Understanding the purpose and power of Men By Dr. Myles Munroe.
3. No More Two (God’s Principles for Marriage) by Bro Gbile Akanni. Read Chapters eight, nine and fourteen for this subject.
Now it’s your turn to recommend other important books that can help us on this critical course. Let’s have them.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye