So the second reason why you should not have premarital sex is TO AVOID THE PAINS OF BEING A SINGLE MOTHER OR AN UNPREPARED FATHER).
It’s tough being a single mother so much that anyone who is wise will do everything to avoid it. If you’re already one, God will give you strength and see you through but I warn anyone who’s not at that point yet to avoid it by all means.
Now being a single mother presupposes that the father of the child denied responsibility for the pregnancy outright or he accepted responsibility for the pregnancy but was unwilling to father a child. In some cases, the father wanted the child and not the mother. These are possible scenarios that could lead to single motherhood.
There is first the pain of bringing shame to your family which will often be extremely disappointed with the development. It is even more devastating and shameful to the lady and the family when it becomes clear the “father” of the child denies responsibility outright. I have personally heard of situations where the man insisted on a DNA test before he can accept responsibility. That in itself is extremely shameful for any decent person. Suggests the man assumes her a worthless lady of easy virtues.”
Single mothers have shared disturbing stories of depression; experiencing alone the extreme vagaries of first-time pregnancy without the support of the man who put them in the family way.
More disturbing is the disruption such an unplanned pregnancy brings to the life of its bearer. Many dropped out of school and haven’t been able to return 10 years after. Many lives never regained their balance after such an experience. Few did but it was easier for a camel to pass through the eyes of a needle.
Then the stigma. The deep wish of regaining true love and be happily married to a true gentleman. Ironically, only a few men are open to marrying a single mother. Most will take on their heels upon discovering the fact.
Finally, I found that more often, single mothers live in extreme bitterness towards the father of their child. I read an interview of single mothers on Punch Newspaper recently. Most of the mothers requested they avoid responding to any question about the father of their child. Bitterness is not a substance you want to toil with. It is toxic. It can suffocate progress and productivity. Scripture warns that we look diligently lest any root of bitterness trouble us. (Heb 12:15)
Over to you Mr. Man. Let me talk to you man to man. Often you just wanted the sex, you aren’t interested in responsibility. It’s why you’ll flare up when she comes to announce she just missed her period. After sleeping with a woman sometimes for two long years. What else did you expect? Even once was enough. You wanted just fun. You think yourself the inventor of life. Only that life is far older than you and is good at catching up with people like you.
If she aborts the baby on your advice, you become a murderer. The thought will trouble you for years. If she keeps it against your advice, chances are that someone you never wanted becomes a permanent part of your life for life on account of the child. You thought to put her away blots her from your life but you lie. You would have only succeeded in making your life complicated.
Some who had better conscience who have accepted the woman and the baby have had to rush into unplanned fatherhood. A man who can barely feed himself alone having to answer for two other lives. This can mean serious imbalance for many years. Some life trajectories have been permanently altered due to such fatal take-off.
But assuming you don’t accept responsibility for the child. Or you accept the child and abandon the mother after wasting her life away giving her an impression you were in for marriage ab initio, you’ll make your life even more complicated. There is this law of seed that Pastor spoke about on Sunday. It’s a potent law that governs life. You reap what you sow. Given the fact the harvest is always in multiples of seed sown, I’d say you’re in for some harvest. And there’s something about the anger of a woman that a revered mentor often shares with me. He’ll tell me, “you don’t want the anger of a woman, she has the capacity to burn down the house, even if it means self-immolation. The same passion with which she loved you and gave herself to you is what she’ll convert into an accelerant for anger. There’s a point beyond which you shouldn’t push a woman.” There’s a negative atmosphere her bitterness brings over your life”
I hope this instructs you.
And be careful to think you’re smart about it. There’s a reason why single mothers will often say they “fell” pregnant. As laughable as that is, it suggests to you they thought they had everything covered. You aren’t smarter than all of them put together.
Despite the exaggerated power of contraceptives to prevent unwanted pregnancy and the popularity of their usefulness, statistics says there are six hundred thousand reported abortions in Nigeria every year. Add this to the number of abortions that are never reported. So you mean all of these people don’t know about contraceptives?
And I’m sure you know the complications that can emanate from abortion especially considering most cannot be done by professional medical practitioners in that abortion is still illegal in Nigeria. There are so many for instance who may never be able to conceive again for their legally married husbands (innocent men who will fall victim) due to rhesus isoimmunization on an account of an abortion they did for a useless man. The fact remains that the best known medical way not to be “unwantedly” pregnant is to abstain.
Please let’s follow God’s word knowing that it will lead us to benefit. We can’t be wiser than him. There’s a good reason why he says to wait until you’re married.
See what 1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 says.
“For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of all sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion as the heathen do, in their ignorance of God and his ways.”
You have the grace to turn a new life.
We’ll continue next week.
All my love.