My dear Aquila, I personally do not know the benefit that marrying a younger wife confers on anyone as far as respect and submission is concerned. What you’ll find especially in our generation is that even if you’re eight years older than the person you want to marry, the first thing she seeks to do is to demystify the age difference by calling you by your name without any prefix or honorific pronoun.
I guess that helps her to relate with you as a friend rather than a boss. In a generation where we’re clamouring for joyful marriages, it is important for a couple to be true friends. To be able to relate without any inhibition or formalities. So if prefixing your name will obstruct your ability for true friendship, then it is in order for the prefix to be dispensed with.
So, in the reality of the day to day relationship of most couples, even when you’re far older than your wife, it doesn’t really show. She calls you by your name; talks to you as an equal; lashes at you as an equal when she thinks you’ve outstepped your boundaries. Being far older may even be a problem for you here. You may see yourself getting really offended when you consider that you’re the age-mate of her eldest Sister.
So the day your older wife disrespects you or fails to submit to you, never allow yourself to think, “it’s because she’s older.” No sir. Even men who are ten years older than their wives have the same complaint.
You see, marriage is such a see-through relationship that can easily breed contempt. Familiarity they say, breeds contempt. No matter how great you are outside there and how much people celebrate you, you’re a normal human being with your spouse. She knows how your faeces look like and how badly it smells because she was the one that helped you to flush the toilet the last time you forgot to do it yourself!
And so, in such a very proximate and see-through environment, respect and submission on the part of a woman has to be conscious and deliberate. It has nothing to do with age difference because marriage neutralises that. It even has nothing to do with having more money than her. The wife of a rich man can also get used to having a rich husband that the riches stops being a big deal. Several rich men also complain of disrespectful wives!!!
A woman submits to her husband primarily when she convinces herself, “no matter the status of this man, or his weaknesses, or the level of his achievement, this is my head and God asked me to submit to him in everything, as unto the Lord.”
An exemplary lifestyle on your part; a sense of responsibility; being ahead of her spiritually, mentally, financially and in all things; can sometimes help her submission to be easier but these are not the primary factors. All these can be present and a woman is still not respectful and submissive to her husband. The primary factor is her decision to obey the word of God.
How does a woman respect and submit to a younger boss in the place of work? Because she says to herself, “this is my boss, that he’s ten years younger does not change the fact that he’s still my boss.” That settles it.
I’m glad that in your own testimony, your relationship with this lady has been smooth in the last two years. That she’s older hasn’t affected her followership. However, you must know that by virtue of her age, you have to hasten up your own readiness for marriage. A 29 year old lady is already under immense pressure to marry from everyone around her.
This is perhaps the burden of dating an older lady. You’ll need extra speed for your life. But there’s nothing to be worried about. I’ve always taught you to accept your peculiar path in life. After all, you’ve dated several younger ladies in the past and it didn’t work. This one has worked well so far. I guess finally, this is your woman. Just rise up to the challenge and everything will be fine.
Let me quickly talk to your woman. Are you there Priscilla? Please hear me carefully. While I have challenged your fiance to go extra miles to achieve financial capability within the shortest possible time, you have to also be patient with him and support him.
Don’t over-pressurise him to a point where he gets discouraged. That’s what led to your recent breakup. He got tired of the pressure that you’re dumping on him. I can understand that Mummy is on your neck. But make her understand that your man is just about to finish from school. They should be patient with him.
Don’t let anyone pressurise you to go and marry an older man that you don’t love. There is no universal age of marriage! You marry whenever you’re ready to marry! Being happy ever after is what really matters.
And stop that “all my age-mates are married,” thing. Some of these so-called age-mates gained admission to the University at 16. Yours was at 25. So, are you really age-mates? Let me tell you a truth that will help you throughout life. Life is a class of one. Only one person is your age-mate and classmate. That person is you!
Stop comparing yourself with your friends. Face your own lane and reconcile yourself with the reality of your own life. Your own reality is that the man that you finally found true love with is younger and needs an extra time to balance. Accept that reality, embrace it, agree with it and love it!!!
True love is hard to find, true friendship is tough to forge. Sometimes you have to go through six relationships before you find one that truly gels. When you now find that final one, you need to hold tight to it with your teeth. If you drop it, you may need to go through another six before you find another one that gels. Do you have the time and strength for such fresh experiment? At 29?
But it’s not as hard for a broke person to get a good job and become OK as it is to find true love or to locate that person that so naturally connects with you.
This your guy will only be rounding up his degree in few months. He’ll soon get a good job and everything changes. You’re also just going for service. Be patient. You can marry immediately after your service year, however modestly you can start your journey.
If you need an extra time after marriage to balance financially, you can immediately take up very safe family planning methods. Don’t let anyone put you under any pressure of biological clock. Many people in their late forties have had safe deliveries while some people in their twenties did not have it smooth. Let your confession be that your own will go fine at whatever age you choose to give birth.
In maximum 4-5 years, everything would have balanced well. And then you can enjoy the love of your life for another Sixty-Five to Seventy Years. Isn’t this a smart way to eat your cake and still have it? May the Lord give you ears that listen.
I wish you success in your marital quest. And of course, I’ll be here to provide all the support I can to enhance the success of your relationship. God bless you.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
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