During the last week, about three different sisters wrote me regarding relationship issues which all bothered on the unfaithfulness of their men. So I’ve decided to share a few thoughts on the issue still in the light of “Making Courtship Count” which is the series we’ve been dealing with since the year began.
There are two major references to scarcity of certain species of men and women that the bible made. One is more popular. “Who can find a virtuous (strong in all moral and mental qualities) woman for her price is far above rubies?” (Prov 31:10). There are many ladies everywhere. They are as plenty as the sand of the sea shore and these days all of them seem to look so beautiful especially with all the beauty enhancement regimen all over the place. But to find one virtuous woman of this lot requires God’s mercy.
But there’s a ‘who can find’ scripture for men also. There’s a particular problem that is more associated with men. A virtue more deficient in men. It is the matter of faithfulness. Men seem to find it more difficult to stick to one woman. They find it more difficult to maintain genital discipline. And there are biological explanations for this. Their sex drive is stronger than that of women due to a higher production of testosterone. Their libido (desire for sex) does not fluctuate seasonally like that of women. An average healthy man wakes up every morning with a strong erection. And this erection is unprovoked. It is self instigated. For women, you needed to deliberately stir something to get them up. Meaning if you permit that Joystick, ‘he’ wants to express ‘himself’ everyday.
So our own organ is like a fountain while theirs is like a lake. One needs stirring, the other doesn’t. Maybe you get the picture better. Consider again that there’s something called menopause for women usually between ages 45 and 60 which significantly reduces libido. Yes sex drive reduces in men with age too but at a far slower pace. Many healthy men above 80 are still very interested in sex. Why some of them take a much younger second wife at this stage. I interacted with many while I was selling a sexual enhancement supplement. Ignore this.? They’ll call you and they are still very concerned about their erection and how long they can last in bed. At 80! You’re wondering what is grandpa still looking for? In the midst of all these odds, who can find a faithful man?
So the bible said in Prov. 20:6, “most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?” KJV.
Yet it would seem that the greatest need of a woman in a relationship is security not money. I’ve seen wives of very rich and influential people who are not living happy lives because there’s no security. A woman is by nature territorial and possessive. She wants undivided attention. She wants exclusivity. It’s why infidelity gets to women so deeply. Most reported cases of women who killed their husbands in anger, it was infidelity issues.
Now, how do you get a faithful man? Where are they? A man who will love you exclusively and totally. Someone you can totally trust. Whose movement you won’t have to monitor. Whose conversations you won’t have to want to check. Someone who will stick with you in sickness and in health even if the sickness meant you’ll take a long break from sex or you won’t be able to have sex again. Society has completely concluded that such men don’t exist. Why they advise women to better not check what they can’t bear. They say just assume in your mind that you’re the only one and leave it there.
But these kind of men exist only that they exist in a restricted environment. However, their reason for being faithful goes beyond their fidelity to the woman really. It is due to their fidelity to a bigger entity whose heart they don’t want to break. Whose approval they don’t want to lose. They are men whose love for their wives is an outflow of their deep love for God and His ways. Whose flesh have been crucified to the cross with all its passions and lusts.
The Institute for Family Studies, Charlottesville, Virginia, USA conducted a study in 2018 titled, “Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America” which you can access here: https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america.
They found as follows among other things:
“In general, men are more likely than women to cheat, but the gender gap in infidelity varies by age…Men, adults who didn’t grow up in intact families, and those who rarely or never attend religious services are more likely than others to have cheated on their spouse.”
When a consideration was made as to the significant contribution of party identity, family background and religious service attendance to the odds of infidelity, it was concluded as follows:
“In fact, religious service attendance is the only factor that shows consistent significance in predicting both men and women’s odds of infidelity.”
In other words, the highest and most consistent contributor to the not cheating disposition of the men and women who are not cheating is their religious loyalty.
I have checked my own personal experience, I have interacted widely with people across tribes and language and social statuses, the only men who I have found who will be in an intimate romantic relationship with their own girlfriend and for years will not even make a move once to raise her skirt up not to talk of that of another woman out there are men who have experienced death to their sinful nature and all its lust by the cross. The same cross that you too can access. A provision made for all.
I didn’t say men who speak in tongues. Or men who are devoted in church or men who manifest charismatic spiritual graces. Sisters have shared with me egregious stuffs that such men have done to them in secret. I have told you before and I am telling you again that the only infallible proof that someone is truly converted is that they abhor sin. Is that they love righteousness and hate wickedness. A man can fake charismatic gifts. He may have it long after he has renounced the giver of the gift. But no man can fake the fruits of the Spirit.
How can you attract such men who will be faithful? Let me tell you the secret. You can only attract the kind of person you are. If you want a faithful man, you need to prepare yourself to carry the identity of the environment where faithful men are… Click To Tweet
Would it surprise you if I tell you that the secret to having that your most desired man who is dipped in fidelity, peacefulness and ceaseless love towards you is that you first need to be truly converted? You need to surrender your life completely to Jesus and subscribe to His school of Discipleship where you’ll be taught how to be like Him. Until then, you won’t attract a faithful man.
The secret is not butt padding or breast enlargement or thicker makeups and eye lashes or overt sexuality. The only man such regimen will attract to you is a man that will like dancing “soapy”. And you know what manner of men those ones are.
I pray for as many of you who want to be converted right away to receive a touch from God now in the mighty name of Jesus.
For related talks, search for “THE COST OF MARRYING A VAGABOND”, “DATING YOUR TYPE” and “BUILDING A FOUNDATION FOR TRUST” on the website.
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