My dear Priscilla, my simple conclusion is that this guy is not right for you. The work required to make him right is so huge I don’t think you can take it on. Let God do the work His own way and at His own time; that is provided he cooperates with God. But you don’t put your mind on it. Pray for him when you can but move on with your life as fast as possible.
Unfortunately, he has entered into the snare of false doctrine. Doctrinal confusions are always very deep issues, it takes a kind of spiritual strength and depth on the path of a partner to assist in sorting them out. I’m not sure you have that strength and depth, especially the time. At this point of your life, your focus ought to be getting yourself into the University and scaling up your life.
I know someone in the past who once held this same false doctrine that what matters to God is to be sexually faithful to one person regardless of whether you’re married or not. The brother had promised to marry the Sister he was dating at the time. And so he sold the idea to her that even if they began having sex before marriage, as long as she was the one he was still going to marry, they would not have violated the “real” desire of God.
The Sister fell for it, gave him her virginity and they started having sex. But after a while, their relationship had challenges and the brother broke up. He was the one that broke up by the way. As you can expect, the Sister made every effort to resurrect the relationship, to no avail. So, it turned out that she was scammed. How does she get back her virginity and innocence which she lost in the process?
Apart from the fact that this doctrine is not supported by the Bible, its greatest flaw is that you can’t be sure that you will marry someone until you finally marry. Things happen. Relationships break even at the last minute. Until you’re married, you’re not married.
I Corinthians 7:1-5 makes it clear that the only person that has a recognised divine right to the body of a woman is her husband and vice versa. And you cannot be a “husband” to a woman you haven’t legally married. Any bodily union with a man or woman who is not your husband or wife is fraud; it’s “stolen water”; it’s trespass and God will judge every such. That’s the position of the Bible that can never change.
Let me tell you Priscilla, whenever the devil wants to lure a man into sin and ensnare him, what he first does is to reduce in the man’s eyes the true weight and consequence of sin. What did he tell Eve to lure her into sin? “You will not surely die joor. Don’t allow God to just make you too careful for nothing.” Did she not die spiritually and alienated from God? Was the consequence of that small sinful step not so grave? The whole generation of mankind has not recovered from the consequence till today. But the devil at the point of capture demystified the consequence.
That’s what is happening to this brother. He is already being captured by the snare of sin. That’s why what his eyes are being opened to see are the men of God who God has not left despite their life of fornication. He is not seeing the example of several men of God who have kept their marriage bed undefiled for fifty years. Those are not the examples that attract him.
But obviously, he has not read the story of Samson. He was a great man of God in Israel. After a little time of mercy in the hope that he will repent, but Samson continued to pursue strange flesh, the Spirit of God ultimately departed from him.
Even for David who repented, even though he was forgiven, God still punished him throughout his life for that misbehavior with Beersheba and the murder of her husband. God declared that the sword will not depart from his household because of what he did. And that was what happened throughout the life of David. I imagine the kind of punishment he would have attracted had he not repented at all.
In the new testament the Bible clearly shows in plethora of scriptures that a willful continuance in disobedience and sin will attract the judgment of God and can make a man to ultimately repudiate God’s redemptive work in his life. See. Romans 2:4-11; Romans 8:12-14; Heb. 10:26-31; 1 Cor. 10:8.
Sin ultimately blunts the sharpness of a Servant of God. Sin corrupts the anointing. Sin robs a Servant of God of a sharp utterance against the sinfulness in the life of his congregation. And if a Servant of God cannot rescue the lives of his congregation from the clutches of sin and sinful habits, any other thing that he gives them as good as they may be (prophecies, healing, prosperity, favour etc) are all meats that perish – which do not endure unto everlasting life.
What profit is it for a man to spend his whole life in ministry doling out a meat that can not secure for people a space in eternity. What a wasted ministry indeed!!!
Now, to make matters worse, you are dealing with a man who is so full of himself. Who has a deep-sitted sense of pride. He already thinks he knows so much. And he’s only Twenty-Six. If he considers it childish to listen to ministers who counsel on relationships, where then does he get his relationship mentorship? Or could it be that he was born with it in his own case?
None of us was born with the skill set required to make a success of our relationships. And unfortunately, it is never taught in school. Yet, it is such a full time discipline requiring serious training. Such a complex institution that if you don’t get the requisite training and impartation of grace from the right hands, you will mess yourself up badly.
It is this that accounts for a high failure rate in marriage. Most people went to school for eight years to study to become a doctor but assumed they needed no training to be a husband. Sebi it’s all about sex and romance. There you miss it!!!
While I do not mean to suggest that a man has to be following every possible relationship page on social media just to prove that he is learning (indeed, not all contents on social media are themselves sound doctrine), yet a man has to have someone or a set of hands he has trusted over time, unto which he has submitted his life for moulding. As much as weak teachings abound, sound teachings abound much more for those who are ready to be instructed.
Every house is built by someone, that’s what scripture says. No one can build himself. No matter how zealous you are, Sir, you can’t build yourself. You need other hands to build you.
If you marry this kind of man as a woman, you will suffer greatly. He will be destitute of the basic skills of running your marriage because he has refused to go for knowledge. And since he defers to no one, there will be no one who he learns from, who can help you to overrule his ridiculous mindsets in the days of trouble. In a short while, your husband would have become a “cross” to carry.
A man who wants to command the followership of his family ought to himself show himself an example of a good follower, or else he lacks the moral authority to demand followership.
Who is he following well? Who are his tutors? Who is his father in the Lord? How many sound teachings and books on marriage has he devoured? Who is the discipler unto whom he has voluntarily yielded his life for moulding; who can call him to order if he misbehaves? That’s also the person you can run to whenever submitting to him is dangerous. These are conditions a man must fulfil before earning your commitment; if safety is your desire.
This man doesn’t meet these conditions aside the fact that he is currently in the clutches of false doctrine which can completely destroy your life and testimony if you continue to associate. That’s why I’m not surprised that on account of your close relationship with him, your own spiritual fire is going out.
Is anything worth your priced relationship with God? Let it go. You still have enough time to meet the one God has prepared for you.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
©️Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| email@example.com
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