I always like to tell Iyebiye, “I want two giants to come out of us and not just one.” I don’t want my wife to tone down her drive for success simply because, “well, my husband is already success-driven and his success is our success.”
There is always that tendency for the woman not to think big enough, drive herself hard enough, for her to just accept a small place as long as she can shop for a responsible man who fills in the gap. By every standard, I believe this singular point I have raised, is the reason the world of everything is dominated by men. It is not because the woman by any shred is inferior to the man. Society has just conditioned her to think small and embrace the god of small things. The few women who break out of this mould do very great things in our world. And I’m not surprised. The woman wasn’t an afterthought. She was an original super product from the Lord.
The man on the other hand is told from birth how he has to provide for his home, how this is what proves him to be a man, how he has to earn the respect of his family and society by virtue of what he commands in the marketplace. The man on the strength of this dreams very big. He doesn’t believe there is something he cannot achieve. He drives himself hard. He doesn’t accept any excuses from himself why certain conditions are too difficult to endure on the path of success. He doesn’t have that spoon-feeding mindset that I see in several women who want all the conditions to be right before they can take certain quantum leaps. There is always the excuse of I don’t have anyone to support me.
The man has no such patience. So he fights not the conditions, but in the conditions and seeks to thrive despite the conditions. He takes a lot of risks with seized breath; but has he a choice? He doesn’t want society to declare him a failure since everyone looks up to him for performance in everything including inside “the other room” or have you ever heard society plummet the woman for not being able to perform well even sexually? No. She may choose not to perform and it’s fine. But not the man!!!
He knows that no one can succeed without mentorship – that’s why he befriends books. On his shelf are several department of books which he devours. On finance alone, he has over 15 books and he has read all. He is now carefully implementing what he’s learnt. A lot of women his age haven’t read three of those books. They will need a year to finish just one of such boring material. Women are generally more occupied with fashion, new trends and Instagram than books. Sincerely it’s not easy to read fat books if you’re not under a pressure to perform. And why does the woman even have to stretch herself that much when just by her physical beauty, she can marry the best of men and be automatically launched into success?
This is the bane of most of what we call gender inequality between the man and the woman. The inequality is first not a case of the man consciously repressing the woman but a case of an inherent conditioning of the woman to make herself less than the man. God didn’t originally plan it so. This problem is traceable back to Genesis when God placed a curse on the woman for her sin. See what the curse looks like:
“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
Genesis 3:16 KJV
While it may be easy for you to agree that the first leg of verse 16 is a curse, you may not immediately see that the second part is equally a curse. “…thy desire will be to thy husband and he shall rule over you.” Yes it is a curse. The first part of that verse 16 and this part are joined with the conjunction “and”. If the second part isn’t a curse, “but” should have been used instead of “and”. What does this mean? See what it looks like in the Amplified version for more light.
To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth; In pain you will give birth to children; Yet your desire and longing will be for your husband, And he will rule [with authority] over you and be responsible for you.”
Genesis 3:16 AMP
…thy desire will be do thy husband
This is not talking about the healthy desire for fellowship and love between a couple in a healthy relationship. That one is a blessing. This refers to something like, “your husband will take the place of God in your heart.” Your heart will always be fixed on him. Your heart will always trust in him. You won’t be able to stand or do anything on your own at any time. You will be inseparably attached to him. Even if he slaps you, maltreats you for no fault of yours, you’ll still beg him for acceptance. He will henceforth be the definition of your life. It’s perhaps why unlike the men, women see having a man or being married as a great achievement. Just a thought of it gives them goose pimples. This is what it means to say, your desire will be to your husband.
If you still don’t understand, see the second part of that statement:
“…And he will rule [with authority] over you and be responsible for you.”
Because your desire is to him, he sees how much power he wields over you. Because he is a fallen man, he will use your subservience to dominate you. He will rule you like a slave – with authority. He won’t be a leader but a ruler issuing decrees and instructions without any human face.
…He will be responsible for you.
You mean this is also part of the curse? Yes Mummy!!! God was the one responsible for the woman before the curse. Not the man! No wonder her desire then was to the Lord and not her husband. The fellowship her husband enjoyed of her was just a mere outflow of her fellowship first with the Lord who has her primary desire and attention. She had direct access without her husband to all that God owned. When the serpent came, she didn’t need her husband’s permission to go an pluck one of the fruits that is in God’s store. Whatever responsibility the man took for the woman was simply as a channel from God towards her. She knew where the show was coming from and where to fix her gaze.
God doesn’t want your husband to be responsible for you. He the Lord wants to take responsibility. He is the one who employed you to help this man and He’s not planning to abdicate from His responsibility as your employer. So when I hear you say, “I want a man that will be responsible for me,” there you are. You’re still speaking from under the curse when already Christ has come to redeem us from the curse of the law. Galatians 3:13.
Several women were mighty with God and knew how to approach His throne to collect whatever they needed for life and godliness before they married, but after they married, they look up to their husband to provide them. Their desire is to their husband. And even if God provides through another source, as long as it didn’t come from their husband, they are not satisfied.
For every woman reading this, I believe this will first be a bitter pill for you to swallow but if you have a witness in your heart that this is the word of God, please embrace it and ask the Lord to deliver you from the curse of Gen 3:16. Thanks be to God that the story of the woman didn’t finish with Genesis 3:16. God has introduced a John 3:16 to neutralise it.
God will be raising for you a great man who will be blessed in all his ways and be a blessing to you, but you won’t simply shine under his own shadows. You yourself will be a shining star on your own. What that Proverbs 31 woman was. He will be known and respected “at the gates” just because he married you. Is that something you’ll like to see happen in your life? Please rise up great woman and live out your Genesis Chapter 2 potentials. It all begins with removing from your mind all the social conditioning of subservience that you’ve been fed from birth, chief among which is the conditioning, “man is the provider”. Then go to the place of prayer to confess and enforce your deliverance from that curse of Genesis 3:16 with the provisions of Galatians 3:13.
It will be great to hear your story.
Quick Announcement: Today’s talk is like Part 4 of a series on “FINANCIAL AGREEMENT” which we started few weeks ago. If this is the first of the series you’re reading, most of what we’ve said here will appear heretic. Please go back and read the previous talks that are foundation for this.
Our finance talk continues next week as we look deeply at THE PROVERBS 31 WOMAN. Until then, meditate on these things.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org