How many of you ladies have ever wondered why your men sometimes appear uncaring and unfazed by situations? You two just had a very serious quarrel which has left you so unable to focus on any other serious work and he appears so unfazed.
You wonder how he is so easily able to switch to doing other things well as if nothing is wrong. You will even see him changing his status and uploading new happy pictures and comments while you’re boiling.
What is largely responsible for his ability to switch like this is a design of his mind (differently from yours) by the Lord for the purpose of his leadership role and his calling as a visioner. God wanted a situation where the fact that there is a crisis or pressure around him will not stop him from his ability to focus on the execution of his goals.
Bro. Gbile Akanni in his book “No More Two” at pages 255-260 explained the differences in the mind structure of the man and woman as follows:
“A man’s mind is structured in compartments. A man can handle several issues in his mind concurrently. Each can be given a measured attention, without interfering much with the other issues. Issues are arranged in his mind like books on a shelf. He pulls out one issue neatly for discussion, while his mind is still engaged with the other issues but in their own compartment.
This is why a man can switch on and off, from one issue to another. He can be discussing his business trips, while there is a family problem pending. In the middle of a matter that is yet inconclusive, he may pull out the desire for sex from the shelf of his mind..
This is not the case for the woman, whose mind structure is like a pile in only one file case. Issues are piled on top of the other. Every new issue comes on top of the ones in the mind before. To pull a matter up without causing confusion, she needs to first off-load the topmost issue…
This is where the peculiar need of dealing with issues immediately as they come becomes very important for a woman. She has no place to store issues. Everything compiles together and forms an inaccessible pile, if she does not discharge it immediately. This explains, why women cannot keep a matter. The next listening ear they have must be engaged, to offload the matter and ease their mind, so they can take in more…”
Maybe you now see why it is easier for a man to switch away for long while the woman is wishing the quarrel should be resolved as quickly as possible so she can get her peace and be able to focus. She is then having to be the one to always apologise or else the brother can switch away for as long as 7 days without batting his eyelid. This is wickedness brothers!
If you didn’t know before, you now know. Anytime you refuse to resolve issues as quickly as possible, you’re tormenting that woman and I can’t explain how you will truly love someone and be happy to see them tormented. What God gave to us for good purpose must not be used as a weapon against the same person who ought to be the greatest beneficiary of that grace.
Then there is this wrong concept of who a man is precipitated by cultural stereotypes over several centuries. A man for instance is not expected to cry or show any form of emotions. He is supposed to be hard, unfazed by anything; egoistic (selfish and proud), bending everyone without being bendable himself.
But you know we can’t look to society to tell us who a man is or should be. Only a manufacturer really knows the true purpose of his product. God is the manufacturer. What does He say about true manhood?
“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”
1 Corinthians 11:7 KJV
The Manufacturer says He made the male-man to be the image and the glory of God.
We have one male-man who already passed this test. He is one Mr. Yeshua Joseph – a dude from the middle east. It was said about him that, “he is the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person.” Hebrews 1:3.
The word image in Hebrews 1:3 is the greek word “charakter” i.e a figure stamped that is an exact copy. Jesus therefore was a carbon copy of God in glory (dignity) and image (character). He normally says confidently, “if you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the father.”
This Jesus being the second and last Adam is now the pattern male man.
To be the image and the glory of God therefore is to be the image and the glory of Jesus Christ. In other words, God’s definition of true manhood is that the man is a representation of everything Jesus is in character and dignity to his wife and to his world.
Your wife upon touching your life daily ought to see vividly in practical form everything she reads about Jesus in the bible.
A man is a man actually only to the extent to which he reflects the glory and the character of Jesus Christ.
The test of matured manhood is the point you get to when you can look at your wife and say, “if you’ve seen me, you’ve seen Jesus!”
Ego is actually the flesh (the human, sinful, adamic and satanic nature) manifesting himself through selfishness and pride. It is not something a christian should pamper at all. It could have eternally devastating consequences.
For they that are in the flesh cannot please God. Romans 8:8. He said again in another place: God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6. Whatever will make you an object of God’s perpetual resistance is something you should deal with decisively.
Who then was Jesus Christ? Can he ever be described as egoistic (selfish and proud)? A man who was God but dropped that privilege and made himself as a servant. Anytime he was insulted by people he could have commanded fire to consume at once, he wouldn’t even as much as utter a word.
He once told his disciples, the son of man did not come to be served but to serve. Mathew 20:28. He served his disciples. He would bend down and wash the dirty feet of these guys who were ordinary works of His own hands.
I don’t have enough space to describe from scripture to scripture the transcendent humility of Jesus Christ. Everything about him from His birth to His ascension is punctuated with humility, selflessness and service.
So when I see some of you priding in your refusal to bend for that woman, you ability to keep malice and intimidate and oppress her, your capacity to refuse to speak to her for days eventhough you know she is hurting badly, and your constant refusal to apologise when you’re wrong courtesy of your ego, I know you are bereft of understanding. As far as God is concerned you’re not a man. You’re less than a man because you’re displaying no image of Jesus Christ.
To the woman, it is equally pride to think the fact that you apologised yesterday on a matter, it must be the turn of your man to apologise today even though you’re still wrong today. Apology is not table tennis that must always be equally shared.
May that day never come when my wife will be able to say truthfully, “my husband is egoistic.” That will hurt me as much as if she had said “my husband is impotent.” To be egoistic is no complement for a man whose destiny is to be the express image of Jesus Christ!
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org