“The urge became so seriously that I started going to school more and more often to satisfy my craze for sex and it was on one of these occasions that God decided to arrest me. I was in the room with Lara and had made moves for sex severally and she kept saying No…”
“A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not quench; He will bring forth justice in truth”.
“Say to them, As I live, says the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn back, turn back from your evil ways, for why will you die, O house of Israel? “
The battle with pornography continued and for me, I had concluded that God never loved me and can never love me. I had concluded that I was so dirty and filthy that He (God) would have nothing to do with me. But in all that, I was still teaching in the Church and still receiving applause and commendations.
I would stand most Sundays and deliver a powerful exhortation that would attract applause but no definite change of heart. You cannot birth what you are not in people. You may take the stage and do one or two activities for God and the crowd will be in awe of the performance but it will be difficult for them to be genuinely convicted because it is the Holy Spirit that can convict and you didn’t carry that Spirit.
I was serving two masters – the devil and God –and actually no one can serve two masters.
Whatever one thinks he/she is doing for God with a life that is not correct may be recognized by heaven but the person will not be recognized by heaven. I could go to school and spend a whole day with Lara and still come back to stand before God the very next day to preach. I never loved it but, I was powerless. “I am dying spiritually,” I could say to myself but I couldn’t stop.
On a particular day, there was a program that was organized involving all the Churches in our area and I was heavily involved. After the first day of the two days program, I walked to the Chief organizer of the program.
“I will not be around for tomorrow’s program.”
“Jesus, why? You know we need you to be around.”
“I have something urgently to attend to in school,” I lied to him and insisted it was very important.
The next day, I spent it all with Lara. I had left not thinking about the engagement in the program and God also gloriously replaced me in that program.
The urge became so seriously that I started going to school more and more often to satisfy my craze for sex and it was on one of these occasions that God decided to arrest me. I was in the room with Lara and had made moves for sex severally and she kept saying No and then she said:
“Baby, you are a Christian and a Pastor’s Child, you and I also go to Church. What we are doing is a sin before God but we still do it because we cannot control the urge but we shouldn’t be doing it every time we meet.”
Those words were arrows that went straight into the core of my heart. God can speak to you through anyone and any medium and I know He has been speaking to you but you have been ignoring Him. I am sure He’s been speaking to you through this book too and you need to listen now to him.
To me, God spoke through the very lady that had become my weakness and the devil had used to trap me in this web of sin and immorality. I remember how He (God) had been trying to get my attention through different persons and ways and after those words by Lara, I was broken. I went home sober and dejected and there I made-up my mind to ask God for help genuinely. I wasn’t broken because I went to a crusade or someone came for evangelism to our house, I was Broken because a sinful partner was used by God to speak to me.
Maybe you too have ignored the different people God has used to speak to you. Maybe you have not noticed that the different things that have happened were God’s way of reaching out to you. Your reading this book to this point is a proof that you need to heed to God now.
You may be addicted to fornication, pornography or even masturbation like I was but until you make up your mind to genuinely ask for forgiveness and grace, you will never be free. He isn’t interested in your condemnation or death but He wishes you turn back to Him and receive help and grace.
After that day, I made up my mind to go to God and when I went to him. He never rejected me (Isaiah 42:3).
Few days later, I found myself in MLR (Ministers Leadership Retreat), a program organized by Peace House Discipleship located in Gboko, Benue State, Nigeria and on that fateful day of December, I poured it all at the feet of the master and was cleansed and washed by the blood of the Lamb. I became a new creature, a royal priesthood, a peculiar person. I became a carrier of the nature of God by the grace of Christ.
After I became born again in Gboko, my life hasn’t been the same again. I made up my mind to let go of certain friends and associates. I couldn’t stay with my roommate anymore and started coming to school from home. Staying at home gave me time and opportunity with God. Letting go of Lara was difficult and who said it will be easy. I tried giving God excuses to keep her with the hope I could change her but I nearly returned to my past. You cannot change people because you are not the Holy Spirit. It’s your job to pray for them. Anyone who doesn’t help your faith needs to go.
I now have a beautiful life and I think you would want to be changed as I am too. Take some time and ask Him to be the saviour and lord of your life this moment.
The journey to overcoming fornication and masturbation now that you have made Christ your savior and lord is not going to be a roller-coaster and smooth ride. When I made the decision to surrender to the master, my spirit was born again but my mind and body was not. I still had the urge to view pornographic content and the wrong images that have polluted my mind did not disappear magically. Listen it’s not going to happen overnight as it never happened overnight for me. It will take you to constantly, consciously and deliberately walk with God daily and how do you do this is as follows:
Praying every day is even more important than I am going to put it for you. You must rely on the Holy spirit to constantly help you to pray and fast when possible and required. Praying helps you keep your body in check and tuned to the Holy Spirit. I am not talking about doing a 7 days marathon dry fasting and prayer but a gradual and consistent, committed life of prayer. (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
Make the Bible your companion, your mind has been polluted with wrong images, text and videos. There has to be an excavation that only the word of God can do. Take out time everyday to study the scriptures especially in the morning (Isaiah 50:4). The word of God will need to play a substitutionary role by replacing the negative images with the right ones. One of the things that helped me and is still helping me is the fact that the Bible became my greatest teacher. I spent time in studying that whenever any wrong image tries to pop up in my mind via thoughts, there were enough Bible stories that I could replace them with.
Study Christian books that will build your mind with the right things. Listen, if you neglect your mind in the journey to overcome pornography and fornication you may struggle to overcome. Your mind determines how you behave. Take out time to study Christian materials that will help you.
Cut-off from movies that promote sex especially Hollywood and Nollywood movies. Begin watching only Christian movies and movies with no erotic or explicit sexual scenes. As you do this regularly the pillars of the urge for pornography, masturbation and fornication will gradually become weakened and this also includes musical songs. When I became born again, I still had secular music and movies on my phone. I could quickly forward when I got to the sex part but as I grew I learnt and saw that it wasn’t helpful in any way. I don’t watch secular movies nor listen to secular songs. Your mind is too precious to allow junks gain access.
Take control of what you think about with the help of the Holy spirit. You can dictate to your mind what you think about and when negative thought starts flooding in, you must quickly switch off, go out and mix with people and get something to be involved in. Remember an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
Lastly be responsible to someone. You may misbehave again if you don’t have someone you can open up to and can hold you by the hands to bring you back. I became responsible to someone. A pastor who encouraged me to increase the number of chapters of the Bible I read in a day from 4 to 10. I could open up to him about my sexual dreams and he helped me alot. Get a discipler.
Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye.
(On behalf of the narrator, Joseph Ogbuh).
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org