Have you ever experienced a situation where you hear of someone’s death who you still saw a few days before, looking perfectly healthy? Everyone gets surprised. “But he didn’t appear sick.” In actual fact, save for pure accidents, death is more of a destination than an event.
It is usually the last stroke that breaks the camel’s back that we all usually call death; whereas the death had been progressive for several years of unhealthy habits, unhealthy eating, risky exposures and inattention to warning signs from the body.
As it is with human medicine, so it is with “relationship medicine”. Relationships never fail overnight. They usually do in instalments. It is the final instalment that culminates to the demise of the relationship that everyone cries above. Severally, the disease can be foundational. Like getting hooked to a totally wrong person or failing to build into the foundation, core stuffs. If you read, “Making Courtship Count” and “Ofuutufeete”, I shared some of those core stuffs.
But some relationships started well and had great potentials for success but for the fact the parties started taking each other for granted at some point. At the beginning, there was much wooing of one another. At a point, someone started feeling he already has his partner in his pocket inescapably. That false sense that someone is stuck to you. So you start treating them with wanton neglect. Say horrible stuffs to them expecting they should always swallow it. They’ll complain you aren’t giving them enough attention, you’ll ignore.
Until someone who is ready to place huge value on what you’re treating with contempt shows up. Then you begin to regret. At this point you’ll be ready to give all it takes but it would have been too late. Why did you treat with neglect something that was actually valuable to you all the while? Maybe you should let it be clear in your mind; the “love market” is governed by the forces of demand and supply. You have to keep innovating to stay competitive and retain your market share.
Your market share is your man or your woman. There are permanent competitors whether you admit it or not. If you don’t hold tightly what you have, you will lose it. That God said said you are the one notwithstanding. There are cases where people went to ask for God’s permission to walk away from an abusive partner (eventhough they didn’t plan to stay even if He says no) just to prove that they can no longer be taken for granted.
Some men are having their women stay because she isn’t yet exposed to what quality relationship should be. She really doesn’t know what to expect because of her inexperience. The day she sees light, she’ll realise you’ve been a mediocre and then she’s off. Brother, don’t wait till then. Up your game now. Compare notes to be sure you have a competitive edge going by the realities of the market. Means, do market survey from time to time. This applies to women also.
The reason why someone should stay loyal to you in a relationship should not be because a better person has not shown up or they don’t have a choice (there is always a choice frankly); it should be because there is no better person in fact. They have tasted you and they can’t imagine letting honey slip away.
Please take care of that relationship before it’s too late. The cost of healing its current ailment is far cheaper at this early stage compared to when the disease becomes malignant. There are those times when you take your sick to the hospital and the doctor says, “why are you just bringing this case? It has snowballed beyond redemption.” There are those counselling sessions where some of us have also had to sadly tell people, “why did you wait until now?”
Don’t wait until that point before you start taking care of it. By then, you’ll suddenly realise that all those things consuming your attention aren’t as important as your relationship after all. Don’t wait until you lose her before you realise that.
You need to learn to know that the test that you’re doing well in a relationship is that your partner is happy. What’s the point otherwise? To be sure s/he’s happy, you need to constantly do a medical checkup on your relationship.
At short intervals, periodically ask your partner, are you happy to be in this relationship? Am I making you happy? What you thought this relationship will add to you when you said yes (or when you chose to ask me out), is it adding it? What else can I do to make you happy? Ok doggie style? I’m in (For the married only). Ok, assisting you in fixing house chores? I’m in. Whatever makes you happy is what I’m committed to doing always.
“The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality- the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other whether in bed or out.” I Corinthian 7: 3&4 MSG.
You need to read that again.
“Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights. Marriage is a decision to serve the other whether in bed or out.”
Let me ask you, have you made that decision?
Until death do you part, the wooing must never stop because the market dynamics remain the same long after marriage. Remember, you must keep innovating to remain competitive to retain your market share.
I thought to quickly break our ongoing series on the “Synchrony of the Soul” to share this with you. It was so strong in my spirit through the week. I hope it blessed you? I hope you will take immediate steps?
Your brother, PEA.
For a related talk, search for OFUUTUFEETE, MAKING COURTSHIP COUNT on the home page.
©Peniela Eniayo, Akintujoye| firstname.lastname@example.org